criticalcapture | Through The Years (for EVERYONE)

For: EVERYONE
From: Anonymous until reveals

Title: Through The Years
Rating: NC-17
Side pairing/s: Xiumin/Hani (EXID)
Length: 30000 words
Summary: Jongdae has sacrificed so much that he reaches a point in his life where he begins to wonder, Is it worth it?
Warning/s: some homophobic tendencies, cursing

Notes: Thanks to my beta who pushed me and encouraged me to finish this monster. Thank you also to my last minute betas for answering the call for help!!! And thank you Y for all the help with the school system, and other school and teacher things. Also to you… if you’ll survive reading this monster! :3

prologue

Jongdae bolts upright from his bed at the sound of his phone. He unlocks it, anxious to read the waiting message

010-XXXX-XXXX
See you tonight

It's a short and simple message, but Jongdae’s heart still races, sending little jolts of electricity down his fingertips. He takes a deep breath to calm himself down and gives the text one last look. Before he can regret it, Jongdae deletes the message and puts his phone down.

It's still a little early for Jongdae to be awake so he buries himself in his covers, wrapping himself up in his blankets, and stares up at his pristine ceiling. He can almost picture the person who'd sent him the message, as if painted on the ceiling like a canvas. His heart flutters, seeing caramel colored hair, tousled from sleep. The pale skin that glows in the dawn and the tired face that lights up not only from the light of his phone, but also from the emotion in his eyes. Jongdae swears he falls a little more in love.

Before he can get too comfortable, Jongdae pushes the covers off of him and begins his morning routine. He fixes his bed, closes the curtains he usually keeps open for the other days of the week, and then takes a shower. He catches himself whistling the newest EXO song as he goes about his closet picking through his dress shirts.

By the time he's all dressed and ready, a smile permanently makes a home on his lips. He gives his balcony doors one last look, the beautiful glass now covered by its thick silk curtains.

"Just for today," Jongdae whispers to his empty room. And with that, he closes the door to his room and starts making himself some breakfast.

He's still humming the upbeat song, occasionally swaying his hips as he goes about preparing his meal and his lunch. When he finally sits down to eat, he unlocks his phone and opens his music app, scrolling past his favorite artists and going straight for EXO's latest album.

Jongdae's smile grows wider as he plays the song as loud as he can. He eats and enjoys the music, swaying his body to the beat from time to time. And when he's done eating, Jongdae brushes his teeth, walks out of his apartment and commutes to the high school he teaches at.

The halls are clear of students when Jongdae gets to school and, when he checks his wristwatch, he finds that it's still too early. He expects the faculty room to be in a similar state when he opens the door, but he smiles when he finds another early soul.

"Oh, Jongdae, morning," Minseok, the Chemistry teacher, greets, raising his coffee mug.

"Hyung, you're early," Jongdae notes.

Minseok groans before he takes a long gulp of his coffee. "I needed to take care of some lab preparatory work." He pauses and gives Jongdae a stern look. "Plus, someone's always bullied on Wednesdays. I needed to back him up."

Jongdae rolls his eyes, smacking his friend's shoulder. "I'll be fine."

Minseok clicks his tongue playfully, smirking up at Jongdae. "Yeah, right."

"Really! There's nothing that can bring me down on Wednesdays, you know that," Jongdae defends himself as he takes his seat on his desk, right beside Minseok's.

Minseok sighs, "Whatever you say. But in case something happens, I'll be here to back you up."

"You're way too serious about this. They're just gonna tease me. It's nothing I haven't handled before," Jongdae chuckles as he takes out his papers from his bag.

When Minseok doesn't press on, Jongdae focuses on the quizzes in front of him, double checking the marks he'd written the night before. He hums the last EXO song he listened to before he went out of the house, mood refusing to go down any moment.

"So," Minseok begins just as Jongdae's halfway through the papers. Jongdae stops moving his hands but doesn't bother looking up at his friend. "Since you're all happy like that, I'm guessing you and Joo—your boyfriend are still fine?"

Jongdae scoffs, "Of course we're fine, what made you think we weren't?"

Minseok sighs. "Nothing, just that, he just got out of the army so I thought maybe you guys were having problems."

Jongdae gives Minseok his most sincere smile. "We're fine. We couldn't be better, I promise."

"Well, I'm happy for you if that's the case." Minseok returns Jongdae's smile and squeezes his shoulder.

In times like these, when Minseok worries for Jongdae's relationship, does Jongdae truly realize how amazing of a friend Minseok is. Even though Minseok has problems of his own, he never fails to shower Jongdae with concern, asking him about anything and everything and eventually getting him to open up. He almost feels like family now.

"What about you? Got plans with Heeyeonie tonight? Or this week?" Jongdae asks.

Minseok sighs dreamily, leaning back onto his chair and staring up at the ceiling. "I'm seeing her Friday night."

Jongdae hides a snicker behind his hand, grabbing his phone to capture the moment and send the evidence to Minseok's girlfriend.

"Yah," Minseok shouts when he hears the shutter. "What're you doing?" He reaches for Jongdae's phone but by the time he grabs it, the picture's been sent to Heeyeon.

Minseok sighs as he returns the phone back to Jongdae. "I knew having you guys exchange numbers was a bad idea."

"Bad for you but good for us," Jongdae jokes, laughing as Heeyeon replies to the photo. It's a bunch of emoticons mostly with hearts and heart eyes.

Match made in heaven, Jongdae thinks.

Seeing Minseok's head buried in his arms in shame, Jongdae decides to show him the message to cheer him up.

"What's this?" a male voice interrupts. Jongdae looks up from Minseok's pitiful form, hands already midway from reaching Minseok's side, and his eyes lock with Heechul, the Korean studies teacher. "You're already so bright and bushy-tailed this morning?"

Before Heechul can continue his series of taunts, a few women walk in behind him, greeting them good morning before going to their respective desks. Heechul rolls his eyes at their interruption and Jongdae tries his best not to laugh.

"As I was saying," Heechul sing songs, walking to his desk without looking away from Jongdae. "I'm guessing the reason you're so happy is because you have a date tonight?"

There are a few ooohs and aaaahs from some of the teachers in the room. Jongdae ignores them all as he shakes his head. He almost always doesn't bother regarding Heechul with a reply, but Minseok lifts his head from his self-made cradle and glares at Heechul.

"It's really none of your business now, is it Heechul-ssi?" Minseok barks.

One of the teachers laugh (Jongdae thinks it's the Music teacher, Sunyoung). Heechul clicks his tongue and is about to hurl a few more insults when a few more teachers walk in, one of them including the Vice Principal, Choi Siwon.

"What's going on?" Siwon asks, looking around the room and feeling the tension in the air. Some of the teachers whisper among themselves; Jongdae's sure they're sharing what just happened.

"Nothing," Heechul is quick to reply. Siwon raises a brow at the quick and terse reply but lets it go.

"Well, if it's nothing, then I'll proceed with what I came here to do." Siwon clears his throat and begins some announcement about starting their meetings with prayers and ending it with reading the Bible. Jongdae and the rest of the teachers tune it out knowing a memo will come to them later on in the day.

When Siwon walks out, Jongdae braces himself for the upcoming attack, which comes just as soon as the door closes.

"Heechul-ssi," the Calculus teacher calls out. "You shouldn't start off so hot-tempered in the morning." He clicks his tongue and laughs, voice rich and amused. "Besides, we all know that Jongdae always has date night on Wednesdays, what's the point of asking, right Jongdae-ssi?"

Jongdae rolls his eyes but to keep his irritation at bay, he plasters on the toughest smile he can muster.

"Kyuhyun-ssi," Heechul begins, smirking up at the lanky teacher. "Do you think you can do any better?"

Kyuhyun laughs as he leans back on his chair, arms folding behind his head. "Jongdae-ssi, you sure that EXO's Suho really is your lover?"

Jongdae bites his lip hard, fingers gripping his papers a little too tightly. From the corner of his eyes, he can see the way Minseok's eyes scrunch up with worry. For some weird reason, even though this isn't the first time Jongdae's heard the line, a sense of dread strikes his heart.

Heechul clicks his tongue. "That's the problem with you, Kyuhyun-ssi," he chides. "You go straight into it. You don't take your time to build up the situation."

Kyuhyun rolls his eyes and ignores Heechul. "Didn't Suho just get out of the army?" Kyuhyun continues instead. "Why haven't your date nights increased? If it were me and I just got out after two years, I'd have spent all my free time with my lover."

"Oh, that's harsh," Heechul comments. "I like that."

"Hey," Soojung, the English teacher, steps in. "Isn't that a little too much?"

Jongdae takes a deep breath and turns his chair around to face his bullies. When he catches their eyes, he smirks at the both of them. "I'm pretty sure if I were your lover, Kyuhyun-ssi, I wouldn't want to see you even after two years."

Heechul's mouth drops before he snorts, trying and failing to hide his amusement behind his hands. Kyuhyun's eyes widen at the attack and that promptly shuts him up, frowning as the air of confidence he carried blows away into tiny bits.

"As for you Heechul-ssi, why don't you just worry about your own love life?" Heechul's roar of laughter stops at Jongdae's taunts, jaw falling open at the jab to his ego. He clicks his tongue as he regretfully accepts defeat. Some of the teachers laugh at Jongdae's expert comebacks, giving him thumbs ups when their eyes meet. Minseok gestures for a high five, nodding in approval and Jongdae obliges, smirking in triumph.

"See, I told you I could handle it," Jongdae whispers as everyone goes back to their own work.

Minseok eyes Jongdae warily, mouth set in a straight line. "Yeah," is all he says.

Jongdae wants to ask but decides not to, suddenly afraid to hear what Minseok has to say. He returns his focus on the papers, muttering to himself when he finds some of them wrinkled at the edges. He straightens them out and goes back to double checking the others, humming to himself the EXO song that won't leave his head and feeling his mood brighten up just a little bit.

Wednesdays always find Jongdae the butt of every joke in the faculty room so instead of spending his breaks with his co-teachers in the cafeteria, enduring every bit of their antics and making his own quirky replies like he usually does, Jongdae goes back to the faculty room and relaxes in the much needed quiet atmosphere. Something about the situation this morning doesn't feel right with him and makes it uncomfortable for him to join them, even for just a second. Not to mention, if Minseok sees him now, he’ll only pester him with, so he avoids his friend too throughout the day.

When Minseok messages him before the end of the day, he makes sure to reply, not wanting to seem more and more out of it. The bell rings signalling the end of the day and Jongdae bids his class goodbye. He quickens his pace to the faculty room, stuffing his papers in his bag and walking out before any of the teachers can catch him.

As he walks further and further away from the school building, the pressure on Jongdae's chest disappears, allowing him to take a deep breath. The soft dusk breeze cools his suffocated skin and he breathes it in, slowly releasing the tension out as he exhales.

It's Wednesday, Jongdae reminds himself as he commutes. He chants it like a mantra in his head, mouthing the words every once in a while as he catches sight of the passing scenery around him. The red and orange sky bleed against the illuminated skyscrapers, their lights reminding Jongdae of stars.

Jongdae's heart skips a beat. Tonight, he's going to meet his star and that thought alone is enough to sweep away all the day's troubles and worries. His heart starts a frantic pace as he gets closer and closer to his home.

As soon as his ride stops, Jongdae runs out the doors and straight to his condominium building. In his hurry, he presses and presses the elevator button until the doors open, regretting for a moment that he lived so high up in the skyscraper. He taps his foot and watches as the numbers go up and up until his floor brightens up. Jongdae's out the moment the doors open, hurrying to his door and rushing as he drops his bag and clothes all over the place.

He leaves the cleaning up for later, choosing to bathe and scrub himself clean instead. He makes sure every last part of him is clean and prepared before rummaging his drawers for some clothes.

Jongdae is careful not to throw more clothes on the floor of the condominium, lifting up a few sweaters and throwing some boxer briefs back in the drawer. He settles on a cream knitted sweater with colorful patterns adorning the torso and part of the shoulder area. He takes out the green Emporio Armani briefs that he knows fits snugly around his ass and smirks as he pulls them on.

He skips checking himself out in the mirror, drying his hair with a towel haphazardly before picking up his clothes out in the living room and tossing them in the bin. He's in the middle of spritzing musk on the inside of the sweater when he hears the door click open and then softly thud close.

"Jongdae?" A soft voice calls out.

Jongdae almost drops the bottle in his hands in his shock. He carefully puts it down before taking hesitant steps out of the bedroom. In the middle of the dining and living room stands the most beautiful man Jongdae's ever seen. He breathes in as he takes one step closer, eyes never parting from the person before him.

"Jongdae."

Jongdae's heart echoes in his ears, loud and fast, like it's never going to slow down. The way he says his name is like a whisper and song all at the same time and Jongdae's breath gets caught in his throat.

"Joonmyun," Jongdae manages to croak out.

Joonmyun smiles and opens his arms. Jongdae doesn't stop himself when he runs straight for Joonmyun's embrace, sighing as their warmth mingles with each others'. In this moment, nothing else feels as perfect as this.

"I missed you," Joonmyun whispers, breath tickling Jongdae's nape.

"I missed you, too." Jongdae tightens his arms around Joonmyun as if to prove a point.

Jongdae smiles as Joonmyun does the same, pulls him in closer and breathes in his scent. He relishes in the warmth of his arms and the weight of his palms sliding down the jut of his bones on his back, going lower to meet the hem of Jongdae's sweater.

"You're wearing my clothes," Joonmyun says, voice low and heavy with meaning. He places a soft kiss on Jongdae's neck, his fingers playing on the skin above the boxer's band.

"I knew you'd like it," Jongdae admits, slowly losing himself from the patterns Joonmyun's painting on his skin.

"I love you," Joonmyun says seriously, pushing Jongdae away so he can see the sincerity in his eyes, hear the emotion in his voice. Jongdae nods and whispers his reply, lips too busy looking for Joomyun's, choosing that as the best way to express himself.

Joonmyun captures Jongdae's lips, pressing harder before coaxing Jongdae's lips open so he can taste Jongdae on his tongue. Jongdae moans into the kiss, his fingers tangling themselves in Joonmyun's hair as heat and pleasure ripple down his body.

They spend the next few minutes lips locked together, memorizing the feeling of each other on their tongues, falling in love with the sweetness dripping down the back of their throats. Just when Jongdae thinks he wants more, needs more, Joonmyun pulls away, breath heavy on Jongdae's cheek. Jongdae doesn't feel as out of breath even though he can hear himself gulping every bit of air that he can. Joonmyun laughs as he pecks Jongdae's temple, his nose and then his open mouth.

"Come on," Joonmyun urges, pulling on Jongdae's wrist and leading him back to their bedroom.

Joonmyun takes a deep breath before tugging Jongdae in his arms. "This room smells like you," he whispers in his hair. "Smells like home."

They fall onto the bed together, a tangled mess of limbs, rolling to find a comfortable position and laughing when they realize it doesn't matter how many different ways they slot their arms and legs together, everything feels perfect. Somehow, Jongdae finds himself underneath Joonmyun, his lover hovering over him, his knees caging Jongdae's thighs and his arms locking Jongdae in place.

"I love you," Joonmyun says.

Jongdae lifts himself up on his elbows, presses a chaste kiss on Joonmyun's lips and breathes out, "I love you, too."

Joonmyun grins, the corners of his lips stretching wide as he pulls his shirt off. Jongdae chuckles as he makes quick work of Joonmyun's pants.

"Don't take off your clothes," Joonmyun says, hands already finding themselves inside Jongdae's sweater. "I'll take it off for you."

There's a twinkle in Joonmyun's eyes that makes Jongdae's heart flutter. Once Joonmyun's in nothing but his branded briefs, Jongdae leans back on the bed and waits for Joonmyun to have his way with him. He can't help but hold his breath as he watches Joonmyun's feel him through his clothing, warming his body up even more.

He gasps as Joonmyun's soft lips press an open mouthed kiss on the hair below his navel. His eyes close as Joonmyun lifts his sweater up, little by little, lips following the movement, tongue dipping to taste Jongdae's navel before continuing on. Jongdae can feel arousal churn in his gut as Joonmyun takes his time undressing him, lips mapping out every inch of skin he wants to taste on Jongdae.

"I've missed you like this," Joonmyun whispers as he pulls up the rest of his sweater off of Jongdae, tossing it among his clothes on the side of the bed. "Missed the heat of your skin," he breathes as his fingers dance on Jongdae's sides. "Missed the sound of your voice when I touch you." Joonmyun presses a soft kiss on the bump of Jongdae's throat, feeling it go up and down as Jongdae swallows down a moan.

Jongdae manages a smile despite his lust-clouded mind. "I missed it too," he utters before Joonmyun steals another kiss.

Jongdae wraps his arms around Joonmyun and responds to the kiss, opening his mouth so he can taste Joonmyun again. Jongdae groans as he feels Joonmyun's naked skin on top of his own. It sparks fireworks on his skin and he can't get enough of it as he presses closer, pulls tighter. He rolls them around on the bed and finds himself straddling Joonmyun.

"Stay like that," Joonmyun gasps as they pull away. He sits up and leans back on the head board, pulling Jongdae so he can always feel his heat emanate against his own. He thrusts up and Jongdae can feel Joonmyun's half hard erection right on his own. He moans as white explodes in his eyes.

"Again," Jongdae pleads as he feels himself slowly come to full hardness. Joonmyun obliges, pulling Jongdae into his embrace as he rolls his hips against Jongdae's.

Jongdae drowns in the pleasure he can feel from every inch of skin, his thoughts a mess of more, yes, and Joonmyun. He's so lost and dazed that he barely notices Joonmyun slide down his underwear; his hands however seem to have a mind of his own as he helps Joonmyun tug down his own.

Jongdae keens as Joonmyun pushes him back on the bed, his hand circling around their cocks and stroking them together. He can hear Joonmyun's harsh breathing above him and he opens his eyes to see his flushed cheeks, the sweat sliding down the side of his face and the pleasure and emotion swimming in his eyes.

"Need you," Jongdae breathes. "Want you—Joonmyun," he gasps as the pleasure builds up, an explosion waiting to happen.

Joonmyun nods as he lets go of their throbbing hardness and Jongdae whines at the loss of friction. He feels Joonmyun's fingertips circle his rim and he reaches down to grab his wrist.

"No need," Jongdae whispers, smirking up at Joonmyun's wide eyes, pulling his hand back up and entwining their fingers. "Prepped myself." He leans up and kisses Joonmyun on the neck, his free hand reaching for the lube and condoms on the bedside drawer.

Jongdae's eyes never leave Joonmyun's as he tears the foil packet with his teeth, fingers expertly rolling the condom onto his cock. He takes the lube and coats Joonmyun generously, wiping the excess on his rim. He can see the way Joonmyun's eyes burn with hunger and need as it flickers from his eyes to watch his hands move.

Jongdae wipes his hands on the sheets before wrapping his legs around Joonmyun's waist, urging him to push it in. Joonmyun obliges, pushing himself inside of Jongdae and moaning as the tight ring of muscles wrap around the head of his cock.

Jongdae gasps as the feeling of Joonmyun's thickness brings back a wave of nostalgia; the feeling of having him inside him again after so long almost seems like a dream. The burn and the pleasure blend with each other as Joonmyun slides further in until he has himself fully inside Jongdae, his heat and tightness surrounding him.

Jongdae's eyes flutter, fighting the need to close them to memorize the bleary way Joonmyun scrunches his eyebrows. Jongdae relaxes and allows Joonmyun to pull back little by little until they set a slow rhythm. Jongdae chants and moans Joonmyun's name, his heart so full with love and his body tingling with pleasure. Joonmyun's eyes are so soft and kind as they gaze down at him, watching him as he takes it in, takes in the fact that for tonight they are one and connected.

"I love you," Jongdae breathes out, the constant movement of his body along with Joonmyun's tiring him out. "I love you so much," he almost cries, tears pooling at the corner of his eyes.

Joonmyun kisses those tears away, lips mouthing his reply against Jongdae's cheeks. His pace quickens and Jongdae meets him halfway, body moving on it's own as it seeks out to bring them over the edge.

"Jongdae," Joonmyun groans, his thrusting turning erratic. Jongdae strokes Joonmyun's cheek with a finger before caressing his face. He pulls Joonmyun in for a kiss before breathing against his lips, "Come."

Joonmyun grunts as he takes Jongdae's cock into his hand and matches the rhythm of his stroking with his thrusting. Jongdae chokes on a moan as the pleasure inside of him threatens to spill over. He closes his eyes as Joonmyun's pace blinds him, makes him see white.

"So close," he manages to say. "Joonmyun." He almost sounds like he's pleading, begging for release.

Joonmyun responds by pushing deeper as he keeps his pace. Jongdae's mouth falls open into a silent scream as everything inside him explodes, little sparks sending his body into a frenzy when he feels Joonmyun push deeper, his cock throbbing and twitching inside him.

Jongdae's the first to recover, his body tingling with over sensitivity. Joonmyun groans and gasps as his orgasm wrings him to the last drop, pulling out of Jongdae carefully as he finishes.

After Joonmyun ties the condom and throws it away, he settles into bed and wraps his arms around Jongdae. For a moment, they stay like that wrapped around each other and relishing in the other's presence. Jongdae curls himself to Joonmyun's side as best as he can so Joonmyun will always know that no one else will fit him better. They kiss a few times, letting the heat around them burn out with a few passionate lock of lips and twists of tongue. When liplocks can no longer quell the fire, they waste no time in molding their bodies together again and again and again, loving like this will be their last.

Jongdae watches with a fond smile as Joonmyun fills up their wide tub with warm water, his fingers occasionally dipping to check the temperature of the water. He breathes in the sweet aroma of the bath salt, his body already anticipating the calming effects of the bath.

"Is it ready yet?" Jongdae finds himself asking, walking towards Joonmyun, who’s about to enter the tub.

"Just in time," Joonmyun chimes as he settles himself into the water, opening his arms to welcome Jongdae who closes his eyes in bliss.

The water is just the right temperature of warm to make Jongdae sigh as he leans back on Joonmyun's toned chest. The salt helps ease the tension from his muscles, feeling all the strain in his limbs disappear bit by bit the longer he stays in the tub.

Joonmyun chuckles as he pours water on Jongdae's arms and shoulders, fingers spreading the salt onto Jongdae's neck. "Don't you look like you're in heaven?"

Jongdae snorts. "After all that exercise you put me through, this is a reward I deserve."

"You didn't sound like you were complaining," Joonmyun teases. He mouths at Jongdae's nape, teasing the sensitive skin and drawing out a soft gasp from Jongdae. "In fact, I'm pretty sure you were the one begging me for more."

"Fine, fine," Jongdae relents, smiling as he turns to face Joonmyun, stealing a kiss right when he least expects it. "I don't really care if I can't walk tomorrow from all the fucking we do. I'll love you anyway."

Joonmyun laughs before Jongdae kisses him again, a little more forcefully, passionately. It's the kind of kiss that sparks a different kind of pleasure from Jongdae, just the taste and feeling of Joonmyun lips and tongue, sending electricity through his nerve endings but not enough to arouse him.

When they pull away, Joonmyun's soft smile that Jongdae's missed so much is there to greet him, the smile that's only for him. Jongdae leans in and kisses Joonmyun again.

Before the heat of the water and the fire burning between them can make them dizzy, Jongdae pulls them both out of the bath, dragging Joonmyun into the room so they can put on some clothes and eat some long overdue dinner.

Joonmyun's stomach growls just as they're out the door and Jongdae laughs, loud and echoing in the halls of their condominium. It's such a beautiful sound that Joonmyun laughs along, finding it in himself to plead with Jongdae to feed him.

Jongdae clicks his tongue as he goes about preparing the ingredients. Joonmyun watches from the kitchen counter, satisfied with staring at Jongdae's hips shake as he hums along to the latest EXO single. Jongdae can feel the weight of Joonmyun's stare and he shakes his hips a little more, making sure to put on a show. Joonmyun barely manages to hide his snicker when he catches on.

"Do you need any help?" Joonmyun offers, not able to take any more of Jongdae's quiet torture.

Jongdae turns and winks at Joonmyun. "Just sit there and wait patiently."

Jongdae smirks triumphantly when he catches sight of the way Joonmyun looks at him, his eyes wide and his mouth agape just a little. There's a small flush on his pale cheeks and Jongdae cheers mentally as he finishes plating their meal, just a simple pasta that's quick and easy to prepare but enough to keep their stomachs full for the rest of the night.

When Jongdae places the plate before Joonmyun, Joonmyun smiles at Jongdae, his eyes twinkling under the bright light of the kitchen, the corners of his lips lifting just a little so Jongdae can see his favorite smile.

"You're the best," Joonmyun tells him, eyes crinkling, in lieu of thanks.

Jongdae dismisses the compliment and looks down to hide his reddened cheeks, pretending to be amused by his own pasta, twirling his noodles. Sometimes it makes no sense to Jongdae how he can still be caught off-guard when it comes to Joonmyun, especially when they've been together for so many years.

They exchange stories of their past week with each other as they eat. Jongdae watches as Joonmyun turns into Suho right before his eyes, the leader of EXO sitting right in front of him and relaying to Jongdae all the troubles in his line of work before his eyes twinkle. It's always the same pattern. Joonmyun will tell Jongdae all the reasons why he should quit the idol life and then he will tell Jongdae the reason he stays.

"It's amazing," Joonmyun says. "After I got out of the army, there were so many people waiting for me to come out and I couldn't wait to start going back to work."

Jongdae widens his smile until they’re burning from the stretch.

"So yeah, we started recording our tenth anniversary album," Joonmyun says with a sigh, his eyes not seeing his food or even Jongdae, just his dream, EXO and their fans.

"That's really great," Jongdae says sincerely, hoping it sounds just as he intended it to be.

"Yeah but enough about me," Joonmyun says with a laugh. "What about you?"

Jongdae's life in comparison is a never-ending cycle of home, work, and home again. Even if the weekly rendezvous with Joonmyun is part of the cycle, he still finds something to tell Joonmyun, always does, even if they aren't as exciting as fans waiting for him to come out of the army.

"You know how a few years ago I accidentally blurted out to the other teachers that I was dating you?" Jongdae starts. Joonmyun looks up, eyes scrunching for a few seconds before nodding.

"The time you guys went out for a drinking party, right?"

"Yeah, exactly and we were all drunk so when some of the teachers started boasting about their partners, I blurted out you were my boyfriend." Jongdae watches as Joonmyun snorts. "Hey, don't laugh at my misery. Do you know they're still teasing me for it?"

"Really?" Joonmyun looks as though he's really surprised even though Jongdae almost always talks about it.

"Yeah, it's probably because I stopped denying it." Jongdae shrugs. "But anyway, I wanted to say that a while ago, I completely burned my colleagues." Jongdae puts on a smug smile, preening. Joonmyun chuckles and pats Jongdae's head.

"Don't worry," Joonmyun says softly, his fingers sliding down from Jongdae's hair to stroke his cheek. "One day, they'll find out the truth and you won't have to keep lying anymore."

Jongdae leans into the touch and closes his eyes. He bites his lip for a second before opening his eyes and locks gazes with Joonmyun's. At the back of Jongdae's mind, he can hear Kyuhyun and Heechul's taunts, roaring loud and in tune with his heartbeat.

"I have a request," Jongdae begins. Joonmyun opens his mouth, looking as if he's about to protest but before he can get a word out, Jongdae adds, "I want you to spend more time with me."

Joonmyun retracts his hand and Jongdae feels the burn more than Joonmyun does. The wonderful atmosphere they had shatters and Jongdae can almost hear it break into a million pieces.

Jongdae sighs, the sound heavy and loud. He focuses back on his food and finds that he no longer has any appetite to eat. He twirls the noodles and watches as the pasta never disappears from his plate. It's a better sight than the guilt and betrayal in Joonmyun's eyes.

"Jongdae," Joonmyun begins, soft and careful.

Jongdae doesn't respond, afraid that if he looks at Joonmyun now, something inside him will break.

"Jongdae," Joonmyun tries again.

Jongdae takes a deep breath but the reply he wants to say gets caught in his throat and never comes out.

Joonmyun sighs and reaches for Jongdae's free hand across the table. Jongdae allows Joonmyun to tangle their fingers together, always fitting the spaces in between their hands so perfectly. "I'm sorry," Joonmyun apologizes. "I—I really..." Joonmyun sighs again and tightens his hold on Jongdae's hand. "I can't give you anything more than this right now," Joonmyun admits.

Jongdae takes a deep breath and holds it in, feeling the back of his eyes burn.

"The company—my boss, they want EXO to work on the tenth anniversary album and almost as soon as we drop the single, we're gonna have to go on a concert tour." Joonmyun sounds truly apologetic but Jongdae can't find it in himself to be understanding. "We'd be complete for a while before the others need to serve out their mandatory military service and so they want to push the concert and comeback as much as possible."

Jongdae's quiet as he pulls his hand away from Joonmyun.

"Jongdae," Joonmyun almost sounds like he's pleading. "I'm so sorry," he whispers. "I want to spend more time with you too, I really do, but I just can't right now."

Jongdae takes a deep breath. The words that want to fall from his lips, so perfect for the situation, stay locked in his heart. He lets his breath go slowly and turns to face Joonmyun. He can feel his throat burn, his airways clog. He puts on the best smile that he can and he knows he looks like an idiot because he feels even worse than an idiot.

"I know," he murmurs because he can barely breathe let alone speak. "I know," he says a little louder so Joonmyun can hear. "I just thought I'd be a little selfish, you know? Just wanted you to spend a little more time with me." Jongdae shrugs to dismiss his wants and needs.

He turns away before he can see the pity and guilt in Joonmyun's eyes. Joonmyun's by his side in a matter of seconds, kissing his eyelids, the traces of his tears on his cheeks and pulling him back to their bedroom. He whispers his apology on Jongdae's skin and promises him of next time, always and forever of next time.

Jongdae doesn't want to be understanding but he needs to be because this is Joonmyun's dream, his life. This is everything Joonmyun is and he can't take it away, he can never take it away. He lets Joonmyun kiss away the pain, kiss away the sorrow, their lips eventually finding each other. The kiss does little to comfort him, but Joonmyun's warm presence will be enough for tonight—will be enough to appease his lonely heart for the night.

When Jongdae wakes up, he finds the other side of the bed empty, the sheets no longer warm. He looks around the room, out in the hallways and kitchen but there is no trace of another life in the condominium. Jongdae goes back to the bedroom and sits down on the edge of his bed.

There is no note or message left for him. The only signs that Joonmyun was even even in the apartment last night were the condoms he'd thrown haphazardly in the bin and the dishes they'd left on the kitchen counter. Jongdae takes a deep breath and lets it out as slowly as possible. He pulls up his phone and sends Joonmyun's personal number a message.

You should cuddle me more in the mornings! ( ≧Д≦)

Good luck with work. I love you. (づ￣ ³￣)づ

Jongdae manages to lift up the corners of his mouth, the movement hurting the muscles on his face just a little bit. He knows Joonmyun will read the message but won't reply. He knows Joonmyun will laugh off the message because it is just like Jongdae to send him a message about cuddling. But he doesn't know how honest Jongdae always is when he tries to pass things off as a joke.

He closes his eyes and holds his phone against his heart. With no guilt to stop them from falling, no Joonmyun to wipe them away, Jongdae lets the tears fall. He cries until his eyes feel like they've run out of water, until the pain gripping his heart has lessened into nothing more than a dull ache. It feels like hours before he calms down but it really was just some minutes.

With all the strength left inside of him, Jongdae stands up from his bed and wipes the stray tears away. And like any other day that isn't Wednesday, Jongdae carries on.

end of prologue

Jongdae groans as he hears the steadily rising beat of his alarm. He reaches for his phone and shuts it off, turning in his bed to stare up at the ceiling. The ache in his limbs have lessened, turning nothing more than little pinpricks of needles that woke him up before his alarm. It's still early, one to two hours earlier than his usual daily alarms because he needs to fix the previous night's mess.

Not wanting to get out of bed yet and face reality, he pulls out his phone and checks out Naver, fingers making quick work with the search and typing down 'EXO' and then 'Suho' when nothing else new pops up. He sighs, disappointed at his search and goes back to Naver's main webpage, scrolling through the latest news in Korea. He's not really paying much attention when his fingers clumsily click on a link, a thumbnail of two men accompanying it. He's about to press back when he reads, Super Junior's Donghae and Eunhyuk Get Married, Korea Legalizing Same-Sex Marriage.

With a somewhat absent mind, Jongdae skims over the article, words going over his head and barely sinking in. He catches Just as Korea passes the bill for Same-Sex marriage.

"What?" he murmurs to himself as he reads on.

The couple, who admit that they've been seeing each other for a number of years, wasted no time in tying the knot as soon as the announcement was finalized today.

Jongdae blinks and reads the sentence over and over again. He almost thinks it's written in a different language with the way he can't seem to understand the words.

They are in talks with a wedding planner for a more formal ceremony this coming Fall.

"What?" he asks himself again as he looks at the picture of the two men and reads the article again.

The faces on the picture look familiar, probably faces he's seen on TV while he waited to watch whatever show EXO was on. They both hold up one of their hands, fingers stretched out and Jongdae assumes this is their band's signature pose. But what really catches his eyes is their hands linked by their sides, almost unnoticeable with the way they're pressed close to each other. Even though Jongdae can tell that the years have tried to do them in, their smiles are bright and happy for the camera, true and genuine.

Jongdae's heart skips a beat. He goes back and reads the article again, mind filled with thoughts of white, of the message his fingers are itching to send Joonmyun. Before he can even open the messaging app, his phone vibrates in his hand, jolting him out of his thoughts. He lets out an exasperated breath and gets off the bed, needing to fix the condo and get ready for work.

Jongdae scopes out the room first, relaxing a little when he spots the condoms all in the trash. He goes to check the kitchen and remembers they'd done the dishes the night before. The only thing left to clean is the living room couch where blankets and pillows wait to be folded and returned to the bedroom. He brings the pile to the bedroom, so he can go straight to fixing the bed as soon as he folds the blankets. By the time he's done, he continues on with his morning routine.

With all the things he had to do, Jongdae forgets about the news and goes to work, mind already going over the quizzes and grades he has to do.

The chatter of students welcomes Jongdae as he walks in the school building. Unused to the noisy atmosphere, he checks the time and frowns when he confirms that he's a lot later than usual. He curses as he rushes to go to the faculty room, his brain doing a rundown of things to do once he reaches his destination.

One of the reasons Jongdae's always so early to school is because with all the other teachers around, sharing stories with Minseok is a little hard. The only time to do it is the morning just some minutes before the bell for the first class.

When he reaches the faculty room, he expects it to be just as bustling as the hallways. What he sees is just a few female teachers mingling about, whispering to themselves and Minseok going over what looks like lab reports. He breathes out in relief as he approaches his desk, greeting the present teachers and his friend.

"Hey," Minseok greets, putting his papers done and rolling his chair towards Jongdae. "You're unusually late this morning. You okay?"

Jongdae eases back into his chair and sighs. "I don't know," he admits, feeling the last of his adrenaline ebb away and turn into mild exhaustion.

"Oh, maybe this will cheer you up," Minseok begins. Jongdae quirks a brow at his friend and finds his friend's phone thrust right before his face.

"What's this," he asks as he reaches for the phone, an article's headline the first thing he sees. He gives his friend a speculative glance.

"Just read it," Minseok urges.

Jongdae relents. South Korea passes the bill for Same-Sex Marriage, he reads. Flashbacks of what he'd read that morning come to mind, particularly the image of two idols holding hands.

"Oh," he says, surprised at the lack of emotion or excitement in his voice. "I saw it this morning. Actually, that's one of the reasons it took me a while to get ready."

Minseok clicks his tongue and plucks his phone out of Jongdae's hands. "Aish, what's wrong with you?" He looks around the office and leans closer towards Jongdae. He whispers, "I thought you of all people would be rejoicing about this. I bet all the other gays in Korea except you are jumping up and down with glee."

Jongdae groans, burying his face in his hands. "Sorry it's just that, things haven't been going so well with Joon—him."

The pace with which Minseok's face turns from displeasure to concern would have made Jongdae laugh, but the pity mixed in Minseok's eyes only depresses him more.

"What happened?" Minseok asks.

Jongdae turns away, pretending to be busy with his things. "Nothing." From the corner of his eyes, he can tell Minseok's about to say something. Before he gets the chance, Jongdae adds, "And that's the problem," he whispers in frustration, having trouble keeping his voice down. "Nothing has changed." Before he can blurt out anymore, he clamps his mouth shut and struggles to keep his hands from crumpling the papers they're holding.

A squeeze on his shoulder shakes him out his thoughts, and when he looks up, the haze of dissatisfaction and frustration clears as Minseok's sympathetic smile comes into view.

"Don't you think you're thinking too much? Just how long have you been together? 9? Almost 10 years?"

The little relief that Jongdae had felt disappears as Minseok's words sink in.

"Isn't that more reason for me to worry?" Jongdae asks. "We've been together for almost ten years and we've been through a lot, but I can't even enjoy this moment with him. Isn't that weird?"

When Minseok doesn't say anything, Jongdae sighs. "Sorry, didn't mean to spring that up on you. It's just that—" Jongdae blinks and he can see that picture again, two men, two happy smiles and one heart.

"I saw an article about two gay idols marrying today and I felt like for a moment that could've been us." He pauses when he feels the back of his throat burn. "But when I realized how he hasn't been by my side lately I wondered if—if something like this could ever lead to marriage."

Minseok is the one that sighs this time, a little too loud as he lets out some of his frustration, but it catches Jongdae's attention, bringing him back up from the depth of his thoughts.

"Maybe you're focusing on the wrong side of things," he says. "Why don't you stop thinking about the future, and maybe even the present? Try remembering all the reasons that brought you here, that brought you together."

"Where'd you get that idea?" Jongdae asks, sounding a little too skeptical even to himself.

"Sometimes when I fight with Heeyeon and can't see reason, I think about when I first told her I loved her. It helps me see why we're together in the first place," Minseok says with a smug smile.

Jongdae can't help the pull of his lips as Minseok's words sink in, as the experience behind his advice gives Jongdae a little hope.

With a little determination, Jongdae starts to think, I'll tell Joonmyun about the law next week. Next week for sure.

There's still some time before the bell for the first class rings so Jongdae closes his eyes and eases back onto his chair. Little snippets of the past begin to play and he smiles.

◀◀ ◀◀ ◀◀ ◀◀ ◀◀ ◀◀ ◀◀

When the bell signalling the end of classes rings, Jongdae scrambles for his bag and throws his stuff inside. He can hear the chatter of his classmates, some of them making plans with their friends and others skipping plans to go home. There's a few who bid their friends goodbye for their clubs.

"Jongdae," one of his friends, Taeyong, calls. "We're going to check out the new karaoke place near the station, wanna come?"

Jongdae curses as he looks at the time on the wall in front of the class. "Sorry," he says. "I have Student Council duty today."

"Oh right. Next time then?" Youngho suggests.

"Definitely," Jongdae agrees before he bolts out the door, coming into contact with the sea of bodies.

Jongdae takes a deep breath as he pushes through the crowd, muttering soft apologies whenever he bumps shoulders with some of his peers. Despite the throng in the hallways, he manages to reach the Student Council Office in record time. Out of breath and legs aching, Jongdae shuts the door to the room and leans back on it, taking a few seconds to get some air in his lungs.

He hears a chuckle from across the room and Jongdae opens one eye to see who it is. He sticks to the door in surprise, jaw dropping a little. He spots the Student Council President, leaning back on his desk with his arms folded against his chest. There's a twinkle in his eyes, he swears (but it's really just from the light above) and an amused smile playing on his lips.

"Joonmyun-sunbaenim," Jongdae addresses, voice a little too pitchy in his own ears.

"You're a little early, aren't you, Jongdae-ssi?" Joonmyun teases, his voice lilting with laughter.

Jongdae swallows the lump in his throat as he hears the roar of his thundering heart in his ears. He struggles to come up with a good excuse. I don't mind being early, he almost says. 'I wanted to more time to be alone with you,' almost leaves his lips but he clamps his mouth shut before the perfect excuse comes to mind.

"It's because you're always early, sunbae," Jongdae says just in the nick of time, before Joonmyun's eyebrow can quirk upward in speculation and mirth. "I didn't want to any waste time to help out as much as possible."

Joonmyun laughs again as he approaches Jongdae. "You're a good secretary," Joonmyun comments as he ruffles Jongdae's hair. The heat of his fingertips sends tingles down Jongdae's spine, dripping hot air down his ears to his neck. He hopes he doesn't look as hot as he feels.

"Well," Joonmyun begins as he turns his back on Jongdae. "Since you're here, you might as well help me prepare the materials for the meeting." He gestures for Jongdae to follow him, walking towards his desk where labeled folders are stacked, waiting to be distributed.

"Just place these on the table according to position," Joonmyun orders.

"Yes, sunbae," Jongdae replies gleefully, mocking a salute before obeying. He catches Joonmyun's laugh as he places the folders in the right place.

"Oh, and Jongdae-ssi," Joonmyun calls just as Jongdae set the third folder down. "No need to call me sunbae."

Jongdae looks up from the table and finds Joonmyun's soft smile, his eyes turning into small slits but Jongdae can still see the sincerity in them. His heart skips a beat and Jongdae thinks he can hear it stop beating completely.

"We've known each other for a while now anyway," Joonmyun explains, turning his gaze back to the papers in hands. "You can just call me hyung." The smile never leaves his lips and Jongdae swears that he turns into a tomato from the flush in his cheeks.

When he finishes placing the folders, Jongdae hovers around Joonmyun's desk, trying his best not to seem too obvious as he peers over the papers in Joonmyun's hands. Joonmyun clears his throat and Jongdae flits his gaze around the room.

"Jongdae," Joonmyun calls out, his voice sounding far too amused. "Why don't you bring a chair over here and sit beside me."

Jongdae almost chokes on his own saliva at the suggestion, but scrambles to get the closest chair to sit beside Joonmyun. His heart pounds again, echoing even louder than before and he fears that Joonmyun might hear it. He can feel the heat of Joonmyun's arm from where he's seated and he contemplates moving his seat just a few inches away. Before he can move his chair, Joonmyun holds onto his arm and Jongdae thinks time stops for a second. Their eyes lock and the heat from Joonmyun's palm makes the hair on his arms rise.

"Can you check the information on these memos?" Joonmyun whispers, his face seemingly coming closer to Jongdae's.

Jongdae swallows as he nods hesitantly, taking the memo in his hands. This isn't the first time he's been in a room alone with Joonmyun, but this is the longest time they’ve spent together.

Joonmyun's smile distracts Jongdae away from his thoughts. "Thanks," Joonmyun mutters, pulling back to work again. His fingers slide against Jongdae's pulse point before they let go and Jongdae's mind whirls as he tries to read the memo.

"How's your training, sun—hyung," It's common knowledge that the Council President is training to be an idol, so Jongdae thinks it's a safe topic to make small talk with. He hopes it'll distract his mind from the feeling of Joonmyun's hand, the breath that fanned his cheeks.

Joonmyun chuckles, sounding half amused and half something else that Jongdae can't decipher. "It's—" Joonmyun pauses. "It's tiring," he says with a sigh. When Jongdae turns to look at him, he can see the way Joonmyun rubs his forehead, almost as if he's easing the tension out of them. "It's going great though. They say I might debut soon." Joonmyun doesn't look at him when he says that, his smile looking strained as he keeps his gaze on the papers before him. He feels compelled to say something, anything that will comfort Joonmyun but he doesn't know what would help.

"What about you?" Joonmyun asks, the strained smile gone as he looks at Jongdae. "Any plans after high school?"

Jongdae chuckles nervously as he puts down the memo, unable to check it properly. "I'm not really sure. Right now, I just really wanna graduate."

Joonmyun laughs, loud and amused but not sounding obnoxious. "I guess that makes sense." Joonmyun gives Jongdae an encouraging smile, patting his back. "I'm sure you'll figure out what you want when the time comes."

"Thanks, hyung." He feels a little bit relieved that Joonmyun doesn't put him down. The warmth on his back feels like an embrace, a security blanket that tells him everything will be alright.

"If that doesn't work out for you," Joonmyun begins. "You can always try being an idol." Jongdae takes a while before it registers that Joonmyun's joking. He chuckles as it sinks in, his laugh turning louder as he imagines himself singing on a stage, an image so unusual to him. Joonmyun joins him too and for a moment, they're just laughing at this together.

Jongdae wipes a few stray tears from his eyes as he calms down, smiling widely at Joonmyun as he says, "Good one, hyung."

Joonmyun sighs, a grin pasted on his face as he looks at Jongdae. Things turn quiet as Jongdae finds himself lost in Joonmyun's eyes. He swallows as Joonmyun leans in and before he knows it, something soft presses right against his lips. His vision blurs and he closes his eyes, savoring the feeling of pillows and clouds before it disappears.

When he opens his eyes, Jongdae finds Joonmyun smiling, a hand coming up to cover his lips, to cover up a chuckle, a laugh that freezes Jongdae's body cold.

Dread and fear rain down over his head as he sees the twinkle in Joonmyun's eyes, the smile on his lips. His laughter that won't stop echoing in his ears is the final stake to his heart .

"Was that a joke, too?" Jongdae asks before he can stop himself. He sounds bitter even to his own ears, but he can't take it back anymore.

The shock on Joonmyun's face confuses him for a moment but even that doesn't take away the hurt in his heart. He shivers as Joonmyun's cold hands envelop his. Joonmyun looks serious as he squeezes Jongdae's hands.

"It's not like that," Joonmyun insists, pulling Jongdae closer. "I didn't do it as a joke," he adds a little more softly. "I would never joke about that."

Jongdae's eyes widen. Nothing makes sense to him anymore.

"I did it because it felt like the right time," Joonmyun whispers, one of his hands letting Jongdae go to caress his cheek. His thumb sweeps the sensitive skin below Jongdae's eyes. "I did it because I like you."

Jongdae can hear everything—his heart beating, Joonmyun's breathing, the ticking of the clock—but when Joonmyun kisses him again, it all dwindles down to nothing. Jongdae loses himself in the heat of Joonmyun's lips, the warmth of his breath. When they pull away, Jongdae looks into Joonmyun's eyes and knows something has begun.

▶▶ ▶▶ ▶▶ ▶▶ ▶▶ ▶▶ ▶▶

When Wednesday knocks on Jongdae's door, he greets it with a wide smile, even if the sun has barely risen in the sky. Giddiness surges through his veins, making it easy to get out of bed. He reaches for his phone and checks the time. It's still a little early as he'd woken up before his alarm. He puts it back down as he continues on with his morning routine.

The warm sprays of water help prepare his tense body for the things he's planned for the day. Aside from the class he has to teach, there's also the somewhat special dinner he's prepared for tonight. He can't help but hum as he makes a mental rundown of how tonight's going to happen.

As he fixes his dress shirt, straightening out the collar, Jongdae inspects the way he looks. He won't have much time to change and shower so he throws on his best clothes and chooses a style that will be easy to smooth out when he finishes preparing dinner. When his appearance pleases him, Jongdae gives himself a mental pat on the back and takes a deep breath.

Throughout the rest of the week, he'd managed to come up with the words he wanted to tell Joonmyun, the best proposal, he'd excitedly told Minseok. As he looked at his too happy smile on the mirror, Jongdae tried to school his features into something a little more serious.

"Joonmyun-ah," he begins and the words come out easier, flowing out of him just like he'd been rehearsing it for the past three nights. He doesn't even falter anymore as he reaches his climax. With a deep breath, he ends, "So, will you marry me?"

He no longer cringes at how cheesy he sounds and the only thing he feels is excitement, his heart ready to burst and explode right inside him. He breathes out and shakes his limbs, trying to ease a little bit of his nerves. Just as he's relaxed himself enough, a loud series of notes blasts through the room, giving his heart a little jump.

"Fuck," Jongdae curses as he reaches for his phone to shut off his alarm. When he catches the time, he finds that it's just the warning alarm for him to start preparing breakfast. He sighs in relief as he turns off all his alarms for the rest of the day.

"That's odd," he mutters to himself as he exits to his home screen. None of his apps have any notification badges. He frowns as he sits on the bed, tinkering with his phone until his messaging app opens. It shows him nothing new. His frown deepens.

"No." Jongdae shakes his head and pockets his phone. "He's probably just busy," he convinces himself, getting up from his bed to prepare his breakfast.

"And besides," he says loud enough that his voice echoes in the hallways. "It's still early." He feels a little comfort from his words but he makes sure that he never puts his phone on silent, even as he exits his house to go to work.

"Jongdae-ah," Minseok calls, squeezing Jongdae's shoulder to grab his attention.

"Huh?" Jongdae looks up from his phone to find Minseok's eyebrows quirked at him.

"I've been calling your name but you seemed a little preoccupied." He eyes Jongdae's phone and Jongdae at least has it in him to feel a little embarrassed.

"Sorry," Jongdae sighs, rubbing his eyes to relieve them from the ache of being open too long. "It's—" he closes his mouth and sees that the room still has some teachers, setting their things down before they head to the cafeteria.

"Tell me on the way to the canteen," Minseok suggests, patting Jongdae on the back to get him to stand up from his chair.

Jongdae grunts as he grabs his phone and follows after Minseok.

"So?" Minseok whispers.

Jongdae sighs, his hand going inside his pocket and wrapping around his phone. "He hasn't called yet," he mutters.

"Oh," Minseok drawls. "It's Wednesday, isn't it?"

"Yes and he still hasn't told me if he's coming home."

"You were going to—" Minseok looks around and lowers his voice another notch. "—propose, weren't you? Tonight?"

"That was the plan," Jongdae says wryly. "But if he doesn't tell me if he's coming then..." He drifts off, not wanting to give his thoughts a conclusion.

He hears Minseok sigh from beside him.

"I'm sure he'll call you soon enough, yeah?" Minseok tries to comfort.

Jongdae tightens his grip on his phone. "Hopefully."

"Come on," Minseok encourages. "I'll treat you to lunch so you can get that out of your mind."

"Thanks hyung," Jongdae says sincerely. If he were his usual self, he probably would have clung to Minseok's arm and annoyed him with his gratefulness. Minseok seems to notice his lack of enthusiasm and wraps an arm around Jongdae's shoulder.

"Hey," Minseok calls his attention. "If you can't tell him tonight, there's always next week."

"You're right," Jongdae breathes out. "But just, I'd appreciate a message to at least tell me he won't make it. At this point in time, I'm more worried that something's happened and that's why he can't call."

"Have a little faith in your boyfriend," Minseok singsongs as the crowd in the cafeteria welcomes them.

"Alright alright," Jongdae relents. He takes his hand out of his pocket and gives Minseok his best cheeky smile. "So hyung, I want the gomguk lunch meal set."

"But that's the most expensive!"

Jongdae just laughs as he escapes from Minseok's hold to save them a table. He catches Minseok shake his head with smile before he goes up to the counter to order their meal. He watches the crowd around him, listens to the indistinguishable chatter and lets it keep his mind off the message that still hasn't come.

"Hey Jongdae," Heechul calls out, catching the rest of the other teacher's attentions.

Jongdae turns toward Heechul and glares. "Shut up, hyung," he bites.

Heechul clicks his tongue. "Someone's a little feisty."

Jongdae rolls his eyes. "Nothing you wouldn't know," he retorts.

Before Heechul can say anything much worse, Jongdae spots Kyuhyun put a hand on Heechul's shoulder, hears him mutter, "It's not worth it, hyung."

Jongdae smirks as he goes back to stuffing his bag with his papers and books but the pride that comes with victory quickly goes away when he catches his phone, still devoid of any new notifications.

"Still hasn't texted?" Minseok whispers as he slings his bag strap on his shoulder.

"No." Jongdae takes a deep breath so the anger and the worry swirling inside of him goes away.

"Why don't you just call him?" Minseok offers as he pushes Jongdae out of the faculty room.

"Maybe later," Jongdae mutters as he pockets his phone. "There's still time anyway."

"You gonna be okay until then?" Minseok asks before they go their separate ways.

"Yeah, of course."

"Okay, that's good to hear," Minseok bids. "If anything happens, call me!" Minseok waves as he goes to the parking lot and Jongdae makes his way to the bus stop.

The bus comes as soon as Jongdae arrives, giving him no time to think about Joonmyun and his missing text as he squeezes himself with other commuters to get on their ride. He sinks down on his seat, thanking the heavens to have it all to himself and leans his head against the window. He brings his phone out of his pocket and stares at it forlornly.

Joonmyun has never texted him this late, always making sure to tell Jongdae early enough so it will never bother their schedules. Jongdae clutches his phone tightly and chants a prayer, hoping Joonmyun is okay and that there's a plausible reason he still hasn't texted. He doesn't stop praying until he reaches his condominium complex, his fingers gripping his keys tight.

When he opens the door, Jongdae finds the same usual quietness that he comes home to everyday. There is no sign of another soul in the house and so Jongdae keeps up his mantra of a prayer, keeping his phone close to him at all times.

He foregoes making the dinner he planned and reheats some of the leftovers still in the fridge so he can spend the free time watching the sun go down.

"When the sun sets," he tells himself. "That's when I'll call."

It's already this late and Joonmyun has never taken this long to contact Jongdae before, even when he was busy with schedules one after another. He bites his lip as the minutes change and the sky turns from orange to blue.

"Please be okay," Jongdae mutters.

When the skies are dark enough, Jongdae doesn't waste any second pressing the call button. His worries only grow when Joonmyun fails to pick up and no matter how many time Jongdae redials, it's always the voice mail he gets.

"Fuck, Joonmyun," Jongdae curses as he walks back and forth in the dining room. With no more ideas on how to reach his lover, Jongdae does the only thing he can think of, he calls Minseok.

"Hyung!" He almost screams into the phone.

"Jongdae, what's going on?"

"Hyung, Joonmyun still hasn't texted me so I called him but he wouldn't answer and I kept calling and calling and still nothing, hyung, what should I do? I'm so worried," he breathes out.

"Okay first, take a deep breath Jongdae," Minseok instructs. "Then turn on your TV and put it on the news. If something happened, if there was an accident or anything, it should be on the news."

"Shit, hyung, you're a genius," Jongdae comments, running to the couch so he can turn the TV on. When he gets to the news channel, the anchors are in the middle of reporting about a recent robbery somewhere far from Seoul. "What now, hyung?"

Minseok sighs heavily. "Okay, is there anything?"

"No, there's nothing here."

"While you wait, why don't you try checking out Naver and Daum? See if they have any articles of an idol in an accident?"

"Okay, okay," Jongdae replies as he does exactly what he's told. None of the new articles say anything about an idol in an accident and when Jongdae runs a search the articles he sees are from awhile back. "There's nothing here either," he whispers.

"Then I guess he's fine," Minseok concludes. "Why don't you just wait for him to call you back, yeah? I know it's probably not the greatest idea but if he's not in any danger, he's going to call you back soon enough."

Jongdae takes a deep breath and thanks Minseok before ending the call. It helps a little when nothing appears in the news and when they start talking about idols and no 'Suho' comes up, a little bit more of the worry gnawing at Jongdae dissipates. When a few more hours pass with nothing about accidents or 'Suho', the worry and stress that built up inside Jongdae gives way to exhaustion, and soon enough, Jongdae's eyelids become heavier, the anchor's soft voice lulling him deeper into sleep.

Jongdae shoots up when his phone vibrates and rings on his hands. As quick as he can, Jongdae mutes the TV and answers the call.

"Joonmyun? Fuck, Joonmyun I was so worried. You didn't text me and you weren't answering my calls," Jongdae cries out, his voice breaking as he speaks.

"Jongdae I'm so sorry," Joonmyun whispers from the other line. "I'm sorry. I was just so busy today and I could barely get out of the practice room and we only just finished now. Jongdae, I'm so sorry."

Jongdae breathes a huge sigh of relief, all the anger he thought he would have never appeared and now all that's left is relief as he hears Joonmyun's voice, his slightly ragged breathing.

"Are you okay? Nothing happened to you?" He assures.

There's small chuckle from Joonmyun. "Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry again for worrying you. I should have called earlier."

"You should have!" Jongdae scolds but he follows up, in a softer voice, "But I'm just happy you're okay."

"I promise I'll make it up to you next time," Joonmyun promises. There's a soft Suho hyung in the background and Jongdae knows that this call won't last long any longer. "Hey, I gotta go," Joonmyun says almost on cue. "I promise never to miss texting you."

Before Jongdae can open his mouth and reply, the line goes dead and the application exits to display the call log. Jongdae sighs as the clock on his phone tells him it's somewhere around 2AM. The anger he had felt rise up inside of him when Joonmyun cut call blows away as sleep comes back to him.

Jongdae sends Minseok a quick text to update him on the situation and trudges back to his room while he turns on his alarms. He barely gets himself out of his work clothes as he jumps into his bed. Before he can succumb to darkness, Jongdae takes another peek at his phone and he can almost hear an echo of Joonmyun's promise resonate around the room.

"You better," he mutters as he finally gives in and closes his eyes.

Jongdae opens the door to the teacher's lounge with a bang, surprising the teachers already present. He glares at everyone who dares give him the stink eye for his behavior and drags his feet across the room towards his desk.

"What's up with you?" Minseok asks, swiveling his chair to face Jongdae. "Aren't you a little late?"

Jongdae groans as he sinks down to his chair and accidentally glares at Minseok. Minseok just raises his brow at Jongdae's attitude until Jongdae closes his eyes and runs his hands down his face.

"Sorry," Jongdae mutters. "Just, I woke up so early," Jongdae pauses to soften his voice. "'Cause it's Wednesday today and I waited for him to text me about tonight and just—he promised to make it up to me." He sighs and rests his head on the palm of his hands.

"Did he text you? What'd he say?" Minseok asks, voice soft that Jongdae almost misses it.

Jongdae sighs, pulling out his phone and unlocking it. It opens to his messaging app. Minseok edges closer to inspect the conversation. At the top is an unregistered number and only one block of text. It's a message sent this morning, just a few hours earlier.

I can't make it today, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. There are so many things to work on with the anniv concert and the management can't have me leaving.

Minseok clicks his tongue.

"What did you do?" Minseok asks, pushing the phone back to Jongdae.

When Jongdae looks up from his hands, Minseok gives him a soft sympathetic look and he thinks he might look as pitiful as he feels.

"I stormed out as fast as I could and didn't reply. I didn't know what I was supposed to say to that. I was expecting him to come home soon so we could talk about things and then he gives me that message. And he'd just promised me to make it up to me. I was— I just. I don't know. What should I have done?" Jongdae rants, a little louder than he intended. He gives Minseok a pleading gaze and the older sighs, rubbing Jongdae's back to somehow calm him down.

"First," Minseok instructs, "you breathe."

Jongdae waits for more instructions to come but when Minseok doesn't speak again, he obeys, taking a deep lungful of air and holding it in. He takes a few seconds before he lets it out, letting it go as slowly as possible.

"Now," Minseok says, leaning back on his chair and taking a sip of his coffee. "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know? Isn't that why I'm asking you?" Jongdae asks, confused.

Minseok shakes his head. "No. Let me repeat what I just said. I asked you what you want to do."

"I—" he stutters before closing his mouth, realizing what Minseok's asking him. He sighs again and leans back on his chair. He imagines Joonmyun at the altar in a white tuxedo, of himself in the same suit, of them standing side by side. He bites his lip, trying his best to keep these selfish desires from leaving his lips. He's just about to change the topic when the door opens and Heechul's bright laughter greets them.

"Well well," Heechul singsongs, sauntering towards Jongdae.

Jongdae rolls his eyes and levels Heechul with his fiercest glare, crossing his arms for maximum effect.

"Trouble in lovers' paradise?" Heechul taunts.

Jongdae scoffs. "And you would know all about that because? Last I heard, you were still single, right? Heechul-hyung?"

Heechul mutters a few curses as he eyes Jongdae but he recovers soon enough, smirking down at Jongdae. "Pretty soon, I bet you will be, too."

Jongdae clenches his fist as he tries his best to keep himself seated. If he blows up now, the teachers in the room—especially those who are like Heechul—will be suspicious of the truth behind his relationship with Joonmyun. He can't have that. He can't have anything ruining Joonmyun at the height of his career. He takes a deep breath, another one and another, until the red haze of anger in front of his eyes disappears.

He musters up all his strength and smirks up at Heechul. "Whoever said I was in a relationship?" Jongdae winks and shrugs at Heechul.

Minseok laughs from behind Jongdae and says, "After all, people can have so many more problems besides significant others." Minseok mock salutes Heechul before going back to his desk. Heechul stomps off towards his desk as a few teachers snicker and chuckle.

"Wow, you really killed it with that one," Minseok comments.

Jongdae exhales as his heart beat starts to return to normal. "Thanks." He gives Minseok a tired smile. Before the both of them can launch off with another talk about Jongdae and his wants, the bell for the first class rings.

Jongdae eyes his phone for the nth time that day, but the phone flashes only the time and date. He's just about to lock his phone again when it vibrates in his hand before ringing loudly. He almost throws it in his surprise but luckily, he clutches onto it tight and answers the phone when he sees Minseok's name.

"Hey! Wanna eat dinner with me and Heeyeonnie?" Minseok says in lieu of a greeting.

"Nah, I'm busy," Jongdae mutters as he puts his bag of chips on the coffee table and flips through the channels of his muted TV.

There's a laugh on the other line that he finds offensive but doesn't call Minseok out on it. "Are you really? I bet you're just watching TV and checking your phone every five seconds ." There's a mutter of agreement from the other line, a voice that sounds very much like a girl's, and Jongdae frowns.

"Do you have me on speaker with Heeyeon?" Jongdae asks instead of confirming the accusations against him.

"Yup!" Heeyeon cheerily replies. "Anyway, Jongdae-yah, get ready! We'll be at your place in ten minutes."

Jongdae almost spits out the chips in his mouth. "What?"

"See you!" the couple sing before ending the call.

Jongdae gapes at his phone before sighing and getting up from the couch. He dusts himself off and trudges to his room, frowning as he picks something decent and comfortable to wear. Just as Minseok had said, he still checks his phone every chance he gets for any new messages or calls and every time, nothing new pops up. He sighs as he slouches on the couch, ready to go but not wanting to.

The door to his condominium bursts open and Jongdae shoots up from his couch to watch the perpetrators enter. The culprits—his friends—hang onto each other and sing to the tune of EXO's latest song and replace the lyrics to something about taking him out.

Usually, Jongdae would laugh along, maybe even join in on the fun but right now, all he really wants to do is curl up on his bed (or the sofa, he isn't picky) and stare at his phone until it rings. He clears his throat to somehow get his friends to stop singing and listen to him but to no avail, they just sing louder.

"Guys!" he calls out, flopping back on the couch. "I don't want to go out, come on. Just leave me alone."

There's a deep and heavy sigh from Minseok as he plops down to sit on Jongdae's right. Heeyeon clears her throat as she slings an arm around Jongdae's shoulder, sitting down by his left.

"There is no way we're leaving you alone," Heeyeon points out. "It's either we take you out or—"

"—we take you out," Minseok finishes.

Jongdae glares at his friends one more time, hating that even their comforting gestures are in sync. If there was a couple Jongdae envied the most, it wasn't the guys who had gotten married as soon as the bill for same-sex marriage was passed. It was these two who had been together for more than two years. Jongdae looks at the way their eyes meet each other, conversing with just one look and sharing the same glint as they turn their attention to Jongdae. He envied that they could do that, be everything Jongdae wanted to be with Joonmyun but couldn't have because of the times they spend physically apart.

"Come on," Heeyeon urges, grabbing onto one of Jongdae's arms.

"Get up," Minseok continues as he grabs the other arm. With their combined strength, Jongdae finds himself outnumbered as they drag him up and out of the house. He scrambles to get away from their hold but Minseok winks at him as they take proper hold of him so he doesn't stumble.

"Let me go!" Jongdae tries to fight but all his shouting and thrashing about goes over the two's head as they continue to half-carry and half-drag him around the living room. Jongdae's just about to give up fighting when they stop by the front door. For a moment, Jongdae's eyes light with hope that they'll change their minds about going out.

"Wait," Heeyeon huffs, feeling more of the effects of Jongdae's weight than Minseok. She slings Jongdae's arm around her shoulder and uses one hand to pat Jongdae's pocket.

"Hey, what the fuck are you doing?" Jongdae flinches as Heeyeon's fingers get dangerously close to his goods.

"Minseok-hyung," Jongdae screeches as Heeyeon does her best to pat him down while holding onto half his weight. "Are you just gonna let your girlfriend grope me?"

Minseok laughs as he too slings Jongdae's arms over his shoulder. "Not like you both would enjoy it. Besides, she's not groping you. She's—"

"Got it!" Heeyeon brings her hand out of Jongdae's front pocket and pulls out his phone.

"Hey!" Jongdae shouts as he puts more strength in his legs and tries to reach for his phone. "Give that back!"

Minseok and Heeyeon hold onto both of his arms and Minseok tightens his grip on his waist so he can't move an inch more.

"Nope," Minseok says. "You're not getting that back until after we bring you home."

Heeyeon winks at Jongdae as she throws the phone right on the couch. Jongdae tries to reach for it one more time but Minseok pulls him along as they go out the door.

"No! We can't leave without my phone!" Jongdae cries, his voice echoing in the halls. "What if he calls me? Minseok-hyung! Heeyeon-ah! Come on," Jongdae keeps shouting until they're in the elevator. He doesn't stop thrashing around until the elevator doors close, watching with horrified eyes as the view of his door disappears.

"My phone," Jongdae mutters as his friends let go of him, dropping him to the floor. Jongdae's too busy thinking about the messages or calls he's going to miss to notice the pain shooting up his knees.

Heeyeon pants as she kneels beside Jongdae, wrapping an arm around his back. Her other arm goes around Jongdae's front and soon, he's found himself in her embrace. He hears Minseok walk towards them, bending to stoop to their level. Minseok doesn't embrace them but he does pat Jongdae's head and for few minutes, as his friends surround him, Jongdae feels a little better.

"Get up," Heeyeon encourages as she lifts Jongdae up to his feet.

"We're going to treat you to barbecue and soju and you can cry all you want then," Minseok offers as he pushes Jongdae out of the elevator.

Jongdae groans and drags his feet as Heeyeon and Minseok direct him to their car but at this point in time, it's all just for show. Their support earlier had somehow blown away a little of the dark cloud hovering over him. By the time he gets into their car, he's a little more ready to go along with them, to eat good grilled meat.

Minseok and Heeyeon do a good job of lifting the mood, singing to songs on the radio, relaying jokes to each other. They don't engage Jongdae into much conversation knowing it will take a few more shots of soju to get him to open up. Jongdae just watches them with some longing. A few more minutes into the drive, Heeyeon goes into a narrative about how her week's been, giving Jongdae animated anecdotes about her ventures as a chef for some fancy hotel.

Soon Jongdae finds himself laughing along into Heeyeon's storytelling, hanging onto her every word until they get to the restaurant.

Jongdae's eyes light up when he spots his favorite barbecue restaurant. Minseok and Heeyon don't even have to pull him out of the car to get him out as Jongdae opens the door as soon as the car stops.

"Hyung, Heeyeon-ah, I'm just reminding you guys that you said tonight's dinner is your treat, okay?" Jongdae confirms before going into the restaurant, his hand already on the handle of the door, just waiting to push.

"Yes, yes, geez you're like a little kid." Minseok complains as he shoos Jongdae inside. Heeyeon laughs beside him as they follow after Jongdae, going to their favorite spot by the back of the store where the tables overlook a small garden.

Jongdae settles onto one side of the booth and doesn't expect for Minseok to sit beside him. This wasn't the first time they'd been to this place but this was the first time Minseok sat beside him. Before he can question it, Heeyeon calls for a waiter and Minseok gives them their orders. Jongdae butts in a couple of times to make sure he gets the meat he wants.

"And six bottles of soju," Jongdae ends, smiling wickedly at the waiter. The worker confirms their orders once and then goes away.

"Wow," Heeyeon comments. "Someone wants to get drunk."

"I might as well," Jongdae sighs.

"Wait, you ordered all those sojus for you? What about us?"

Jongdae chuckles as he pats Minseok on the arm. "You can order yours when the waiter comes back."

Minseok shakes his head before dropping it into his hands. "I can't believe I'm paying for this."

"Thanks oppa!"

"Thanks Minseok-hyung~"

Both Heeyeon and Jongdae say together. When they finish and their eyes meet, they burst into a fit of laughter.

"Hey hey," Minseok intervenes. "I thought we," he gestures to him and Heeyeon, "were ganging up on Jongdae and not the other way around."

"Don't be such a downer, oppa," Heeyeon dismisses. "But you're right." Jongdae's laugh dies down as he catches sight of the twinkle in Heeyeon's eyes. When he turns to his right, Minseok's smile is more sinister than friendly. He sighs and slumps back onto his chair.

"I'm not talking until I've consumed at least three bottles of soju," Jongdae states.

"Three shots it is," Minseok confirms as he brings a hand out and Heeyeon's palm meets it.

Before Jongdae can voice how insulted he feels, the waiter comes with their rice bowls and soju. There's another waiter behind him who carries their meat. When they've got the meat on the grill and three soju shot glasses filled, Heeyeon and Minseok push it towards Jongdae.

"Actually," Minseok starts. "I'm only paying for this meal if you drink all this in one go."

Jongdae bites his lip. If he drunk all three shot glasses straight, he'd be on the road to drunk a lot faster than normal, especially since he hadn't eaten much since breakfast. The smell of the steadily cooking meat wafts toward Jongdae and he grabs the shot glasses, downing them straight one after the other.

Minseok and Heeyeon cheer as Jongdae slams the last shot glass down the table. He feels the burn slide down his throat as warmth explodes in his stomach. For a moment all he can feel is the heat, the warmth of the grill not helping him dispel it. He fans himself as Heeyeon starts turning the meat over.

"Okay," Jongdae says tentatively.

"Here," Minseok offers Jongdae some cold water and Jongdae gulps down the whole glass, thankful for the cool effects.

"Thanks."

"Now," Heeyeon begins. "Tell us what's wrong." There's a sad smile on her face, no more twinkle in her eyes or the challenge in her smile. When Jongdae gazes to his side, Minseok's face looks a lot more grim and concerned than Heeyeon's.

Jongdae bites his lip as the consequences of his past actions dawns on him. He circles the cool glass in his hands, rolling the cylinder and focusing his gaze on it's emptiness.

"I—" Jongdae takes a deep breath. He closes his eyes and the first thing he sees is his phone, the date and time glaring back at him, and he opens his eyes to escape that reality. "It's been three weeks," he mutters, afraid of speaking up but the alcohol in his system gets him going. "It's been three weeks since I last saw him and it's grating on my nerves that he doesn't call or text as much as he used to." Jongdae curses as he thinks back to the past week with the same dismissive message appearing on his screen last Wednesday. He tightens his grip on his cup.

"You still don't call him first?" Heeyeon comments, distracting Jongdae from the sudden bout of rage and frustration.

"I—He's busy," Jongdae defends. "I didn't—" Jongdae clears his throat and avoids looking into Heeyeon's eyes. "I didn't wanna bother him."

"Is that really the only reason?"

He can feel the weight of Heeyeon's gaze but he doesn't want to give in to her, to express himself fully and let out all his problems. He's always been good with keeping things bottled up, and this time isn't going to be any different.

"Spill it, Jongdae," Minseok forces.

Jongdae groans.

"Fine," he almost shouts."The reason—the reason I don't want to call or text is because he brushed me off that one fucking time," Jongdae breathes, feeling his insides churn as his body burns with anger. Every time he remembers the way Joonmyun ended the call without waiting for him to speak up, hatred boils inside of him, hatred for his weakness to fight for his right to Joonmyun's attention. "And it fucking hurts. It feels like everything we've been doing—the hiding, the shitty calculated texts and calls—were for nothing. It hurts."

Jongdae gasps as his eyes hurt from holding back his tears and his breath comes out in harsh pants. "He said he would make it up to me," he mutters as he closes his eyes and lets the tears fall. "But he hasn't called, hasn't shown up. I don't even know if he remembers I exist."

Jongdae leans back on the cushioned chair of the restaurant and presses his fingers down on his eyes, wiping the tears that won't stop falling. It's quiet for a few seconds, with his friends giving him time to calm down before anyone speaks up. Jongdae focuses on finding ways to stop his tears, wiping them on the cuffs of his sweater. He takes multiple deep breaths until the red disappears from the back of his eyes and his heart stops thumping uncontrollably.

When he opens his eyes, he sees Heeyeon's sympathetic smile and Minseok's proffered hand. Minseok's holding a glass of soju and Jongdae chuckles as he downs it in one go.

"Thanks," he mutters as it burns his throat. "I needed that."

"Hell yeah you did," Heeyeon comments as she makes a vegetable wrap and offers it to Minseok. "You should stop keeping all your problems to yourself, you know? That's what friends are for!"

Jongdae chuckles. "I meant the soju."

"Yeah, right," Heeyeon bites back but there's no real threat to her tone. There's a soft smile on her lips that let's Jongdae know she's just playing.

"But you know," Minseok starts as they begin eating. "It's okay to call your boyfriend every once in a while. It's your right too."

"Minseok-oppa's right," Heeyeon agrees. "I call Minseok so many times in a day and he doesn't even answer his phone most of the time. And when it gets to that point, I send over a hundred messages on KakaoTalk and most times they're just stickers!" Almost as if to prove her point, both Minseok and Heeyeon shove their phones in Jongdae's face, their conversation seemingly filled with just stickers.

Jongdae sighs,about to make another excuse, when Minseok speaks up.

"I'm going to admit that it's annoying, that sometimes we fight about it and end up not speaking for the rest of the night, but it's communication and right now, you need to tell him how you feel."

Jongdae watches as Minseok's eyes find Heeyeon's. He smiles at the sight before him, his heart aching for something so similar. When was the last time he had that kind of moment? Was it four weeks ago when Joonmyun visited and they watched movies before making love on the couch? Was it the night a few weeks after Joonmyun came back from the army? They seem like so many years ago.

"Thanks, Heeyeon-ah, Minseok-hyung," Jongdae whispers, meaning it, but his heart never stops aching, never stops throbbing in the confines of his ribs even as he finishes his second bottle of soju and stuffs his mouth full of vegetable wraps.

That night, Jongdae flops onto his bed with the help of his friends, tears off his clothes when the door to his bedroom clicks close and holds his phone tight as he's finally reunited with it. Before his eyes droop close, he unlocks his phone and lets the alcohol in system keep him moving forward.

I miss you.

I love you.

Why aren't you calling me?

You promised.

Joonmyun-ah.

Please. Call me.

I miss you so much.

Jongdae sends a few emoticons and some stickers but he's not sure what they are or what they look like, their shapes and colors blurring as his eyelids grow heavier. When the darkness swallows him whole, Jongdae dreams of a time so long ago, of a time when Joonmyun promised him things and never broke any of them.

When Jongdae opens his eyes, he groans as the light from the balcony doors intensifies his headache. He reaches for his phone but drops it on face.

"Fuck," Jongdae whines as he takes his phone and presses careful fingers against his nose to suspect the damage. "Ow," he mutters as he rolls over in bed.

He blinks a couple of times before glaring at his phone. "You—" Jongdae's about to curse his phone for existing when his finger presses the unlock button, a new message notification appearing. He shoots up from the bed, giving himself whiplash and reads the message.

I miss you too Jongdae. Just always remember that I love you.

Even as his head aches, even as his world starts spinning, Jongdae can't help it as he cries.

◀◀ ◀◀ ◀◀ ◀◀ ◀◀ ◀◀ ◀◀

"Hyung," Jongdae whispers to the phone, his eyes roaming the streets for any onlookers. "I have to go. I'm almost home."

There's a soft chuckle from the other line that sends blood rushing to Jongdae's face. He frowns and tries his best not to sound too whiny when he says, "Hyung."

"Sorry sorry," Joonmyun mutters when he's calmed down from laughing. "You just sounded like you didn't want me to go."

Jongdae frowns as he stops in the middle of the sidewalk. "I don't," he points out. "But—"

"Yeah, I know. It's not like we can help it."

Jongdae can almost see the understanding smile on Joonmyun's face, churning his gut with feelings he can't really describe.

"Well, I'll call you again. Same time tonight?"

"Yeah, sounds good," Jongdae manages to croak out.

"I love you," Joonmyun bids, making Jongdae's heart throb.

"I love you, too, Joonmyun," he mutters, afraid that if his voice goes above a whisper the whole world will know the secret he's been hiding for almost a year. There's a soft chuckle before Joonmyun bids him goodbye and ends the call. And as always, it leaves Jongdae standing in the middle of the sidewalk, his phone still in his hand and the call log staring back at him.

Jongdae pockets his phone and sighs as he continues his walk to his house. He can already see it from where he stands. Just another block and he would be keying his way in.

"Mom, I'm home," he calls from the doorway. He looks around the semi dark hallways and strains to hear any sounds from the kitchen but all that comes is an eerie quiet. "Mom?" he tries again, entering the hall that leads to the dining room.

Jongdae's next call dies in his throat as he finds, not only, his mother but his father as well in the barely lit room. Before he can ask what's going on, his eyes move towards the duffel bags at the end of the table. They look exactly like the ones he uses for family outings. He swallows.

"Mom?" Jongdae manages to utter.

His mother doesn't lift her gaze from the table. She only keeps quiet and turns her head slightly to her husband who looks straight ahead.

"Dad?"

Jongdae's father turns his eyes to him, hard and cold like Jongdae's never seen them before. He freezes in place, unable to comprehend the situation. As if his father can see the question in his eyes, he slides forward a piece of paper across the table. Jongdae has to walk forward to see what it is exactly, straining his head so he won't have to get any closer.

"Your mother said she found it in your room while she was cleaning," his father states, his voice devoid of any emotion.

Jongdae's eyes widen as Joonmyun's smiling face appears, his school uniform pristine and his smile immaculate. He looks up to his father's eyes and there's a plea on the tip of his tongue, an explanation that doesn't come out.

"What's the meaning of this?" Jongdae flinches at his father's tone. Jongdae's gotten scolded before but his father was never this cold towards him, never this frightening.

Jongdae bites his lip, unsure of what to say. At the back of his mind, his prepared excuses, the clumsy lies start to fade. He swallows again.

"What's the meaning of this!?" his father shouts. Jongdae starts shivering, feeling his eyes hurt.

"Jongdae, please," Jongdae's mother's soft voice pleads and Jongdae looks to his mother, sees the red in her eyes and he doesn't know what to say.

"Who is this, Jongdae?" Jongdae's father points to the photo, his fingers smudging the gloss. He turns the photo over and Jongdae swears he's going to faint. "What's this supposed to mean, Jongdae?"

Forever

- Joonmyun

Jongdae's mouth opens, ready to say anything, to tell his parents all the things they want to hear just so they will stop sounding like they're spitting his name onto the pavement.

"Jongdae!" his father shouts again and this time Jongdae needs to clutch onto the back of the chairs to support himself.

"I—" Jongdae starts. "It's—" he wants to tell them that it's just a picture, that it doesn't mean anything but the words won't come out. His heart aches, tearing itself apart with the decision to either lie or tell the truth.

Jongdae bites his lip and looks at his mother whose tears have started falling. He takes a peek at his father but there is no warmth in the eyes that look back at him.

"Mom, Dad," Jongdae begins as his tears start to fall. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Mom, Da—"

"Get out," his father says. Jongdae flinches and keeps his gaze down.

"But dad—" he cries.

"Get out!" his father shouts, knocking his chair back as he stands from anger. The sound of the chair hitting the floor echoes around the dining room and Jongdae winces.

"Mom," Jongdae pleas. His mother shakes her head as he buries her face in her hands. It muffles her cries but Jongdae can still hear them. "Dad, please."

Jongdae's vision blurs as he looks at his father but his father doesn't spare him a glance.

"We're no longer your parents. Don't call us that. It's disgusting," his father spits.

Jongdae falls to the ground as his father's harsh words pierce through his heart. He cries and crawls to his parents, he can hear himself pleading and begging but he can't hear the words he uses.

"Don't touch me!" his father orders, kicking his hands away. "Get out! You're no son of mine!"

"But dad," Jongdae pleads, curling his fingers on the marble floor. "Dad, please don't do this. I'm still me, nothing has changed. Mom please don't let dad do this. Mom," Jongdae keeps begging, his words starting to repeat.

Jongdae's father moves his legs away from Jongdae's reach and walks towards the bags at the end of the table.

"All your things have been packed for you. Don't ever come back," Jongdae's father says, his voice normal. It's almost as if he's talking to a stranger. He throws the bags in Jongdae's direction and Jongdae winces as one of the bags hits his side. He cries and screams as his father drags his mother out of the dining room. Before they can retreat to their bedroom, Jongdae's father stops by the entry way and without turning to face Jongdae, he says, "If you're still here by the time I get down, I'm calling the cops."

"No, Dad, Mom, please!"

Jongdae cries and pleads, his eyes blurring as he gathers his bags and holds them close. Even as the tears fall and every breath hurts his nose, Jongdae forces himself to stand, clutching a chair for dear life. He can't stop crying but he knows that he needs to leave. He shouts for his parents one last time, and when no one comes, even with the tears streaming down his face, Jongdae grabs the picture on the table and runs out of the house.

There's a park in the neighborhood only a few blocks away and Jongdae runs to it like it's a haven. He falls down to his knees as reaches one of the benches, clutching his bags and Joonmyun's graduation photo to the point that it almost wrinkles. He gasps for air and cries as he rests his head against the seat. He cries and cries until his lungs start to burn.

Jongdae can't help the bitter laugh that slips past his lips as he climbs the chair, hiccuping every minute or so. He wipes any stray tears away from his eyes but there's a always a new tear that falls down in its place. He rests back against the wooden support and brings his knees up.

"What do I do now?" he whispers to himself as he buries his head in his knees. He shivers and he tightens his arms around himself. He's just about to start crying again when his phone rings in his pocket. He quickly wipes his tears away and almost tears his school's pants trying to get his phone.

"H-hello?" he hiccups. In his haste, he forgets to check the caller ID but he hopes it's his parents, regretting their decision.

"Jongdae?" Joonmyun's soft voice comes through the speakers.

Jongdae's lips tremble as reality slaps him once more. "Hyung," his shaky voice murmurs. "Hyung," he says softer, feeling another bout of crying begin.

"Jongdae, what's wrong?"

"Hyung," Jongdae cries, unable to help the streaming of his tears. "Hyung, my parents—my parents. Hyung they—they found out. Hyung, hyung, I don't know what to do. I have nowhere to go."

"Okay, Jongdae, take a few deep breaths and tell me what happened," Joonmyun instructs and Jongdae wishes Joonmyun was here with him and not just on the phone, holding him and keeping him upright.

Jongdae takes a deep breath and wipes his tears away. Joonmyun starts guiding him through what to do on the other line and Jongdae follows until he's telling Joonmyun exactly what happened in his house not so long ago.

"Here's what we're going to do," Joonmyun begins. Jongdae can hear some rustling on the other line. "I'll sneak out of my dorm for a few hours and I'll help you find a place to stay, okay?"

Jongdae wants to protest but the line dies before he can do anything. He clutches his phone tight against his chest and hopes Joonmyun will call again. After hearing the confidence in Joonmyun's voice, Jongdae calms down. He doesn't know how many minutes or even hours pass before there's a man standing in front of him.

Jongaes sighs in relief as Joonmyun comes into full view. Hiss smile is soft and understanding and something about it gets Jongdae up and off his feet as he flings himself towards the older.

"Hyung," he almost starts crying again. This time he holds it in as he breathes Joonmyun's scent in. "Hyung, I'm so sorry."

Joonmyun's arms come around his waist as he presses Jongdae close.

"This isn't your fault and there's nothing to be sorry about," Joonmyun whispers into his hair.

For a few minutes, Jongdae stays wrapped in Joonmyun's arm and he's grateful for the night that hides them from the rest of the world, that allows him to find comfort in this embrace.

"Thank you," he whispers, mostly to the deities that have given him this opportunity to find heaven.

"There's nothing to thank me for," Joonmyun replies, his fingers combing through Jongdae's hair. "It's only right that I'm here for you." Joonmyun sighs as he presses a soft kiss on Jongdae's temple.

"Still," Jongdae whispers, sighing in relief as nuzzles Joonmyun's neck. "Thank you."

Joonmyun pulls back just the slightest and smiles at Jongdae. His fingers slide up Jongdae's arm to caress his face. He swipes his thumbs below Jongdae's eyes and Jongdae leans in to the touch, closing his eyes as warmth blankets him from head to toe. He feels more than sees Joonmyun come close, his breath warm on his face before soft chapped lips press themselves against his forehead.

Jongdae opens his eyes to find Joonmyun's comforting smile.

"Come on," Joonmyun says, slipping his fingers in the spaces between Jongdae's. "Let's sit down and talk properly."

Joonmyun leads Jongdae back to the bench, sitting close together that their arms touch.

"How'd they find out?" Joonmyun asks as he threads their fingers together and squeezes Jongdae's hand, his thumb massaging circles at the back of his palm.

Jongdae takes a deep breath and unclasps the wrinkled graduation photo that Joonmyun gave him. "Dad said Mom found this while she was cleaning my room." The next words have a much harder time coming out as the image of his crying mother comes to mind. "I think she called dad soon after that." If Jongdae closes his eyes, he can still see the way his father looked at him, cold and uncaring.

Joonmyun squeezes Jongdae's hand and the haze in his eyes disappear.

"What are you gonna do now?" Joonmyun asks, his voice soft but the weight of his words heavy.

Jongdae takes a deep breath as he pockets the graduation photo and brings out his phone. "I was thinking of calling up my friends but I don't know... I'm not sure what to tell them if they asked what was wrong. I—I'm afraid they'll kick me out."

"Hey hey," Joonmyun interrupts, caressing Jongdae's face. "Everything's going to be fine."

There's a soft smile on Joonmyun's lips, the smile that makes Jongdae's heart ache and his stomach churn. His eyes twinkle under the light of the street lamp and Jongdae can feel the burn of tears at the corner of his eyes. Joonmyun wipes them away before they fall.

"Why don't you stay with my parents for a while? Until you figure out what you can do?" Joonmyun offers.

Jongdae's thanks never makes it out of his mouth. What comes out instead is, "But hyung," an almost whine.

There isn't anything reassuring with the way Joonmyun chuckles. It only gets Jongdae's heart racing.

"It's fine," Joonmyun says but Jongdae can hear the soft tremble in his voice that makes it 'not fine'.

"But hyung, what about you? If they find out you were letting me stay because I was—I'm dating you then we're both dead."

Joonmyun's laughs this time grates on Jongdae's nerves. He groans and he's just about to go into spiel of how this is the worst idea ever when Joonmyun pulls his head in, his fingers warm and gentle on his cheeks. Jongdae barely gets any warning as Joonmyun's soft lips meet his slightly open mouth. He moans as Joonmyun swallows the rest of his words until he's kissing Joonmyun back.

A whine escapes his lips as Joonmyun pulls away. He flushes almost as soon as he realizes but Joonmyun just smiles at him, stroking his cheeks ever so softly.

"Just trust me," Joonmyun whispers as he threads his fingers through Jongdae's. He reaches for one of the bags on the floor and pulls Jongdae along to the nearest bus stop. Jongdae mutters as he does his best to follow, his feet and mind not agreeing with what to do. Before he knows it, Jongdae's on a bus that goes to wherever it is that Joonmyun lives, his fingers still held tightly in Joonmyun's hands. His heart races as his mind runs with so many thoughts of Is this okay? What am I doing? I should have just called Taeyong!.

"Here's what we're going to do," Joonmyun begins, his voice soft so as not to disturb the rest of the riders but it's loud enough to tear Jongdae away from his thoughts. Jongdae nods reluctantly. "We won't tell my parents the reason you got thrown out of your house. We'll tell them that it's too sensitive of a topic and that you don't want to talk about it, okay?" Jongdae nods when it seems like Joonmyun's waiting for acknowledgment before continuing. "I'm not staying with my parents and my brother's still in university so they probably won't mind having you around."

"What if it doesn't work?" Jongdae asks, clutching onto Joonmyun's hands like a lifeline. "What if they kick me out? What if—"

"Jongdae, Jongdae listen to me," Joonmyun cuts him off. "My parents won't do that, okay? They may be strict but I know they're willing to help a person in need."

Jongdae stays quiet for a moment and turns his gaze to their feet.

"If you want," Joonmyun begins. "I'll call them right now so you'll know they'll let you stay. Okay?"

Jongdae takes a deep breath, he wants to say no, wants to tell Joonmyun that there is another way but none of those are true and so he nods, albeit reluctantly and watches as Joonmyun dials his home. He holds his breath as Joonmyun begins speaking, greeting his mother first and whispers into the receiver the problem. He can hear his heartbeat in his ears and it's makes it hard to follow Joonmyun's hushed conversation with his mother.

"She said okay," Joonmyun whispers.

"What?"

"She said you can stay and she even stressed that you could stay for as long as you needed," Joonmyun whispers as he presses a kiss to Jongdae's temple. "I told you," he mouths by Jongdae's ears.

Jongdae feels like he could cry again. It's only when he has trouble breathing that he realizes that he actually is crying. Joonmyun does his best to comfort him, holding him tight.

"Thank you, thank you so much," Jongdae whispers in between silent sobs.

Jongdae stands frozen in front of Joonmyun's house, in front of his door, his heart beating wildly in his chest and Joonmyun a silent support behind him. He doesn't have time to think or count as the door slowly opens to reveal a beautiful woman, her hair a slight mess in the bun she has it in. Her smile is warm, even warmer with the wrinkles at the corner of her eyes and the smile lines on her face.

"Mother," Joonmyun greets, his mouth open to say more.

"You must be Kim Jongdae-ssi," she cuts in. "Come in, come in," she invites, opening the door wide enough so they can all fit. "It's so cold outside."

"Thank you again, Mother," Joonmyun says when they're all inside. Jongdae's words of thanks die on his throat as he looks around the grand home. From the outside he had known it was big but inside it's a mix of grand and cozy, with warm but bright colors for walls and modest furniture.

"Anything to help," she says softly, her eyes landing on Jongdae. "Jongdae-ssi?"

"Yes Ma'am!" Jongdae half-shouts as he squares his shoulders a little more. Joonmyun's mother giggles and Jongdae wants a hole to open up beneath his feet.

"Missus Kim is fine," she tells him softly. "How about I get you to your room? You look pretty tired and I'm sure Joonmyun has to go back to his dorm as well."

"Uh, yes, Ma'am," Jongdae stutters.

Mrs. Kim leads him up the stairs and to a room Jongdae assumes is the guest room. "I had the maids clean the place up, but if there's anything that bothers you with it, please tell us immediately."

"Thank you, again," Jongdae whispers as Mrs. Kim gives him a sympathetic smile.

"Good night you two," she kisses the both of them on the temple, which surprises Jongdae a bit. Before he can react properly, she's already closing the door behind her.

Jongdae sits down on the bed, wanting nothing more than to lie down and dream of a better reality. "Your mom's really nice," he whispers as he tries not to get used to the way the mattress makes him sink down.

"So I've heard," Joonmyun mutters sitting down beside him. "Do you want me to stay?"

Jongdae swallows down the excuses of I'm fine and You should go, it's late and grasps Joonmyun's hands. This is the longest time he's had Joonmyun stay with him and he needs him more than anything else. Joonmyun seems to understand the meaning behind his tight grip.

"Okay," he whispers. "I'll stay with you until you fall asleep." Joonmyun smiles as he presses a kiss on Jongdae's forehead.

"Thank you," Jongdae whispers.

"Why don't you get ready for bed?" Joonmyun suggests and Jongdae nods and for a moment he holds his clothes against his chest, contemplating whether to undress in front of Joonmyun or awkwardly open all the doors in the room to find the bathroom.

"That's the bathroom over there." Joonmyun points to the door opposite the bed and Jongdae mutters a quick thanks as he slips inside.

Jongdae's cheeks are still warm as he undresses. Even though they've been dating for almost a year, they haven't had much time to do anything other than talk and kiss. He takes a deep breath as he puts on his pajamas, readying himself for whatever may come. When he peers at the door, he finds Joonmyun on the bed, his jacket hanging on the couch adjacent to the bed. He smiles at Jongdae as he walks towards him.

"Come here," Joonmyun invites, his voice soft and low. Jongdae chuckles, albeit nervously and crawls forward, straight into Joonmyun's embrace.

When he has his face pressed against Joonmyun's chest, his steady heartbeat a lullaby in his ears, Jongdae sighs and closes his eyes. Jongdae dreams of forever in the warm arms of Joonmyun.

Jongdae wakes up extra early so that if anyone comes knocking on his door, he's already awake and ready to go. He spots Joonmyun's note just after he's dressed and ready for school, smiling fondly at the square paper.

"So thoughtful," he mutters as he pockets the note. He's just about to open the door when a knock greets him.

"Yes!" Jongdae replies immediately.

"Kim Jongdae-ssi? Mrs. Kim would like to invite you down for breakfast," a muffled voice comes through the door.

Jongdae takes a deep breath. "Ok, I'm coming down soon."

When Jongdae comes down to the dining room, he feels his heart plummet to the floor at the sight before him. Joonmyun's father looks every bit of the impressive politician that Jongdae's read about with his dark suit and white dress shirt. His wife dresses the part of politician wife with her expensive looking dress, her natural looking make-up, and her coiffed hair. They look every bit of the power couple they pose to be.

"G-Good morning," Jongdae stutters out and immediately all eyes are on him. He swallows the lump down his throat and lets out a soft breath of relief when both of them smile.

"Oh," Joonmyun's mother starts, wiping her mouth as she smiles at Jongdae. "Good morning, Jongdae-ssi, come and have breakfast with us."

Jongdae swallows as he takes the seat opposite of Jongdae's mother, hoping the seat wasn't saved for anyone he didn't know about.

"Good morning, Kim Jongdae-ssi," Joonmyun's father greets. "I'm sorry I couldn't greet you last night, but I hope my wife and Joonmyun were more than accommodating."

Jongdae blushes but manages to stutter out a soft, "It's alright."

Both Kims chuckle and Jongdae opens his mouth to apologize for his behavior but Mrs. Kim beats him to it.

"Relax, Jongdae-ssi, we're not going to eat you." She gives him a soft smile, the same smile that greeted him when the door opened last night. "Here, have some breakfast." She pushes the plates towards Jongdae and Jongdae smiles back as he accepts the gracious offer.

"So you're Joonmyun's junior?" Mr. Kim asks just as Jongdae's about to have his first bite of breakfast. Jongdae's heart threatens to run out of his chest but he continues eating, swallowing before he gives Joonmyun's father a reply.

"Y-yes," Jongdae stutters, cursing inwardly when he does.

"How did you two meet?" Mrs. Kim asks this time. There's a smile on both their faces and it sounds an innocent enough question that soon Jongdae relaxes to give them an honest answer.

"We were both in the student council. He was the Council President and I was the secretary at the time." He almost sighs in relief when the truth comes out of his lips.

"Are you still part of the Student Council now?" Mr. Kim asks, his voice taking an excited tone. "Although I know my son has his own dreams to follow, I always thought it would be good if he could follow in my footsteps."

"Dear," Joonmyun's mother interrupts, her voice kind and sympathetic.

"Sorry, I know he's about to make his dreams come true so I've stopped pushing him to follow my ideals. But if you're interested in politics, Jongdae-ssi, I'd be more than happy to help you out."

Jongdae laughs nervously. "I actually joined the council for the extra credit." A half lie. The truth was he joined because Joonmyun was in the club. Anyone who wanted a shot at being Joonmyun's girlfriend or best friend joined the council. But of course only a few got voted in.

Mr. Kim sighs wistfully but even Jongdae can see he's not really hurt by what Jongdae has said, a playful smile soon appearing on his face. Jongdae can just imagine the kind of childhood Joonmyun had. Probably some rough patches along the way but ultimately a warm and happy family, pushing him to be whoever he wants to be. He suddenly remembers his own parents, the way they looked at him and the way they could easily throw out 19 years of memories.

"Jongdae-ssi?" Mrs. Kim's voice filters through his thoughts and Jongdae tries for a smile.

"Did you think about your parents?" she asks, her tone careful.

"I—yes, I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Mr. Kim says almost immediately. His tone makes Jongdae flinch but Mr. Kim doesn't look angry with him so he doesn't panic just yet. "We may not know the reason they kicked you out but we're sure, as you are a dear friend of my son, that you didn't deserve the treatment they gave you."

Jongdae's lips tremble. His vision starts to blur and before the tears can fall, there's a hand on his, warm and soft. When he looks up, he finds Mrs. Kim's hand on his and her smile comforting.

"We've barely talked for more than a few hours but we're sure that you're a good person," she adds softly.

"How?" Jongdae cries, feeling a tear fall.

"Because Joonmyun trusts you enough to bring you here," Mr. Kim says confidently.

Jongdae gasps and soon the tears fall uncontrollably, coming out of him in a gush. He sobs and wails and eventually he has to cover his mouth to keep himself quiet as Joonmyun's parents do their best to comfort him.

What makes his heart ache more than the comfort their trust in him gives is the guilt that eats him away, the guilt that he may not be as "good" as they believe him to be because he's coerced their son into a relationship with him, a relationship most people would depict as immoral and ‘disgusting.’

"Hyung," Jongdae whispers into the receiver of his phone. It's already night time and he's managed to survive a day of school with no parents. Granted, Mrs. Kim had a lot to do with that, informing the school they would be Jongdae's guardian and even going so far as giving him money for allowance. Jongdae had wanted to refuse but Mrs. Kim had walked back to her car so fast that Jongdae was stuck with the bills. He sighs as he waits for Joonmyun's greetings to finish.

"What's wrong? You sound so serious."

"Hyung, I can't stay here," Jongdae harshly breathes out. "Your parents, they're too kind. They—they think I'm this perfect teenager and hyung I'm anything but. I—I'm disgusting hyung. I'm lying to them and corrupting you at the same time. I can't stay here."

Jongdae expects for Joonmyun to laugh but it doesn't happen. He gets a muffled but deep intake of breath. His heart stammers as he sits down on the edge of his bed.

"Jongdae, you are not disgusting. Whatever my parents say you are, that is the truth. And you're not corrupting me. Don't ever think that." Jongdae shivers from the seriousness in Joonmyun's tone. " If you think you're corrupting me, then always remember this. I kissed you first." Jongdae feels his heart drop to his stomach, feeling his limbs lose all their power all a sudden. Even though it's been so long since their first kiss, Jongdae can still remember the way Joonmyun looked when he'd pressed his lips against Jongdae's.

"Jongdae? Are you still there?"

Jongdae snaps out of his trance. "Yeah."

Joonmyun's sigh of relief on the other line is loud. "Did my parents say until when you could stay?"

"Your mother said I could stay forever," Jongdae says with a soft chuckle. "Your father fixed it to until I figure out what to do."

"That's good. Just stay with my parents until then. Do you have any ideas what you're going to do from here on out?"

Jongdae shrugs as he drops to the bed, feeling a weight start pressing down his chest. "Not really. I always thought I'd be able to just go to college, graduate and then find a job."

Joonmyun chuckles. "Well, you could still do that but—"

"I wouldn't know how to pay for college."

There's a sudden quiet that lasts for a few minutes before Joonmyun speaks up. "Whatever it is you decide to do, I will support you one hundred percent."

"Thanks hyung."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

Jongdae waits for Joonmyun to end the call before staring at the ceiling and thinking of his possible options from here on out.

A few weeks after his call with Joonmyun, Jongdae finds himself still stuck with a dilemma and no one to talk to about it. He's still sighing about his problems when their homeroom teacher that morning greets them with an announcement.

"Only a few more months before you all go apply to your colleges and universities of choice," he says. "But before that, the school and I would like to make sure that you've chosen a career path that not only suits you but your talents as well. For this week and the following weeks after, you will all be required to visit me during your lunch break. I will post your dates of visitation on this board. Please come and we'll talk about your plans and we'll help you decide on what to do if you're still unsure."

And just like that, the answer comes to Jongdae little by little.

After multiple visits to his homeroom teacher and checking numerous articles about his choice, Jongdae takes out the flier from his bag and stares at the camouflage design.

This isn't an easy career path, Jongdae hears the echo of his teacher's voice but he strengthens his resolve as he dials Joonmyun's number.

"Hyung, I know what I'm going to do," he says before anything else.

"Wait," Joonmyun whispers. "I've got some free time in a few hours. Let me go back home and we'll talk then okay?"

"Sounds good." Jongdae takes a deep breath until his heart calms down. The time he spends waiting for Joonmyun to come he uses to think about how to tell Joonmyun just how much he's deviated from his original plan. There's already a speech running around in his head, the words ready to fall from his lips.

Jongdae's already downstairs waiting when Joonmyun appears at the doorway.

"Hyung," he whispers, going to Joonmyun and pulling him away so they can go to Joonmyun's backyard.

"What's going on?" Joonmyun whispers as he trudges after Jongdae.

"Your parents are in the dining room and I didn't want them to hear what I was about to tell you," Jongdae says as they take refuge on the hammock hanging on a tree in the middle of the garden.

Joonmyun lays back on the swing and Jongdae does the same, twining his fingers with Joonmyun's but not meeting his eyes.

"I've decided to enlist in the army after graduation."

"What?" Joonmyun bolts upright, almost dragging Jongdae along with him.

Jongdae refuses to look Joonmyun in the eyes but squeezes the hand in his. "I've thought about this a lot and I've talked to my homeroom teacher about it. I've even done my research and it's a good opportunity to work."

Jongdae closes his eyes before staring back at Joonmyun's dark irises. They flicker with worry but Jongdae sits up and smiles at Joonmyun.

"But you haven't talked to my parents about it, have you?"

Jongdae shakes his head, not even sure why this is being brought up.

Joonmyun runs a hand through his hair and sounds distraught as he says, "Did you know my dad is willing to shoulder your college tuition as long as you do well in your studies? We were talking about it some time ago and I was hoping they talked to you about it but it seems like it hasn't happened yet."

"But hyung," Jongdae interrupts before Joonmyun can speak further. "I don't want to ask help from your parents. It's not—it's not right and I don't want to owe them more than I already do."

"Is that what you think this is? Something you need to pay for in the future? Because—"

"No no, of course not hyung," Jongdae cuts off with a lie, holding tightly to both of Joonmyun's hands. "I just—I don't want them to look back and regret their decision to help me. One day, they're going to find out that I'm gay and they may not want to give me the support that they already do. I wouldn't—I wouldn't be able to handle another family's rejection. Especially not your family."

Jongdae takes a lungful of air and waits for Joonmyun's response. Instead, Joonmyun wraps his arms around him and pulls Jongdae into his tight embrace.

"You know what this means, right? What it could do to us?" Joonmyun whispers. "I'm debuting in a year, and with you being in the military, it's going to get harder for us to stay together."

Jongdae feels his eyes burn, his throat clog up as he wraps his own arms around Joonmyun. "I know," he croaks out. "I know," he repeats, voice stronger and clearer. He wipes his tears away as he presses his face closer to Joonmyun's neck. "That's why," he begins, his voice breaking on the last word. "That's why I've decided to break up with you."

He tears himself away from Joonmyun's hold and wishes Joonmyun didn't have heartbreak written all over his face, wishes there was something else in his eyes but sadness.

"What?" Joonmyun whispers, unable to look Jongdae in the eyes.

Jongdae's vision blurs with tears and his throat dries and burns as he tries to call out Joonmyun's name. "Joonmyun-hyung," his voice breaks. "It's just that this would be too much for the both of us." Jongdae wipes his tears on the sleeves of his shirt just so he can see Joonmyun better. "We're too young to have our relationship go through something that difficult and I don't think we'd make it. You'd be too busy and I'd be too unavailable. We—we probably—" Jongdae can't get the words out so he wipes his tears, clears his throat and sniffles until Joonmyun's shell-shocked face is clearer than day, until the only thing he can hear is the beating of his heart. "We probably wouldn't make it, hyung."

The sound that falls from Joonmyun's lips is something that wrenches Jongdae's heart, twisting it and breaking it even more.

"You're breaking up with me?" Joonmyun questions aloud but his voice is soft, so soft that the wind carries his question so Jongdae can hear it.

"Yes, Joonmyun-hyung, I am. I'm sorry," Jongdae cries, his tears falling after holding them back for so long. He buries his face in his hands and cries and cries, his muffled wails almost blocking Joonmyun's sharp intake of breath. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," he keeps repeating in between hiccups.

Jongdae doesn't stop crying even as Joonmyun wraps his arms around him and cries with him, silent tears falling against Jongdae's neck and shoulder. He holds Jongdae tight until they're both calm and Jongdae holds on for just as long, not wanting to let go, not wanting tomorrow to come. They cry until the moonlight sits atop them, shining down on them, their tears twinkling under the light.

"What does this make us now?" Joonmyun asks as he wipes Jongdae's tears with his fingers.

Jongdae pulls Joonmyun's hands away and presses his lips to Joonmyun's fingertips. "We can be anything you want until I graduate. There's still a few months left but after that, we can't be anything more than friends."

"Is this really what you want?" Joonmyun asks, pulling Jongdae close and resting his forehead against his. Even though his voice breaks, Jongdae has never seen a Joonmyun as strong as the one in front of him.

"It's not what I want, Joonmyun, but it's what we need."

Jongdae closes his eyes and feels more than sees Joonmyun's lips press against his forehead before landing on his lips. Jongdae holds onto Joonmyun's arm and kisses back, forgetting the world around them and only focusing on the feeling of the other, of the heat coming from their bodies, of the need burning deep in the guts. They kiss like tomorrow doesn't exist, and for right now, to them, it doesn't.

Joonmyun leaves early in the morning to go back to his dorm but he'd spent almost the rest of the night crying with and then talking to Jongdae about everything and anything. Even though Joonmyun wants to be with Jongdae to break the bad news to his parents, they both know that he has his own responsibilities to go back to.

Jongdae doesn't waste another second during breakfast with the Kims, their warm smiles already growing on him. He can't help but think I'll miss them just before he bears them the news.

Mrs. Kim is the first to react, gasping and covering her mouth in shock. Mr. Kim almost drops his spoon back in his bowl. Soon, both couples hound Jongdae with questions of Why? What happened to college? Did Joonmyun not tell you about our support? and many more. Jongdae waits until the questions die down before giving them his reasons, putting up a strong front so the tears won't fall. This time he avoids telling them the truth, giving them the I want to be independent speech he'd been rehearsing for so long.

Mrs. Kim looks about ready to cry when Jongdae finishes and Jongdae wonders if it's possible to break so many hearts in less than 48 hours.

"But the military's—"

"Not easy," Jongdae finishes, giving Joonmyun's mother the kindest and softest smile he can muster. "I know. But I'm also a man and I can and will handle it."

"What about university?" Mr. Kim asks even though he too looks like he's about to dissuade Jongdae from his plans.

"I still don't really know what I want to take so I'm going to think about it when I enlist." Jongdae hopes they don't notice the way his voice falters when he says 'enlist'.

"And you're going right after you graduate?" Mrs. Kim clarifies.

"Most likely, Mrs. Kim."

This time Mrs. Kim does cry, getting up from her chair to embrace Jongdae. "I don't know what pushed you into thinking that this was your only option but I wished you didn't have to go through such an ordeal so early in your life." She kneels down in front of Jongdae, her tear-stricken face still so beautiful. "But this is the choice you've made and you're going to have to live through the consequences of your choice." She takes a deep breath and soon, Mr. Kim joins her side, squeezing Jongdae's shoulder.

"But at the end of your service," Mr. Kim continues. "No matter what happens to you, we're always here to help you out."

Jongdae allows himself to shed a few tears but does not wail or sob like he did the night before. He pulls Mrs. Kim up from the floor so he can shake their hands and thank them properly for their graciousness. Instead, they pull them into their arms and Jongdae finds himself in a group hug of sorts that make the waterworks a lot harder to control.

"Always remember," Mrs. Kim whispers just as Jongdae takes a shuddering breath. "If you don't think you have a home to come back for anymore, you will always have this home."

Jongdae, unable to hold the dam of his tears, finally cries.

The months before Jongdae's graduation goes by sooner than most of them would want and Jongdae does his best to spend his time with not only Joonmyun but his family as well. Eventually, he meets Joonmyun's older brother and, even though they all treat him like he's part of the family, the guilt that brews in Jongdae's heart only grows stronger. It's the same guilt that makes the days go by. And soon, Jongdae finds himself in his high school uniform, with Joonmyun's parents as his guardians and walking up the stage for his high school graduation.

He smiles at the parents who are not his but have been like his own for the past few months, giving him courage and strength for the next chapter in his life. They have a small celebration in Joonmyun's house where Joonmyun's parents and his older brother are the only guests. Joonmyun had called him earlier to congratulate him and to tell him that he'd only come back to sneak in to see Jongdae before he left.

The dinner is just a simple occasion with reminiscing on Mrs. Kim's part, some funny political jokes to ease the tension from Mr. Kim and some bickering between Jongdae and Joonmyun's older brother. By the time the night ends and the food is cleared away, Jongdae bids them all a good night and goes to his room.

Meet me at the hammock is the text that greets Jongdae just as he's changed into pajamas.

Jongdae's heart races as he does his best to sneak out of his bedroom, tiptoeing to the garden where he finds Joonmyun swinging on the hammock. Even though they've done their best to spend so much time with each other, it never seems enough.

Joonmyun lies down on the hammock and waits for Jongdae to snuggle up to his side.

"I'm going to miss being able to do this," Joonmyun whispers as he buries his face in Jongdae's hair. Jongdae nuzzles into Joonmyun's chest and breathes in his scent.

"I'm just going to miss you, to be honest," Jongdae tries to joke but they both know it's the truth. Joonmyun only holds him tighter, tangling their legs together.

"I've decided," Joonmyun whispers into Jongdae's ears, his breath hot but his voice strong. "I'm going to wait for you."

"But Joonmyun—"

"Let me finish first," Joonmyun cuts, stroking Jongdae's nape. "I've decided that I don't care what you think it is we need. I'm going to wait for you. I agree that maybe it's best that we break up for a while but at the end of two years, I will probably still be in love with you." Jongdae's breath hitches but Joonmyun just goes on. "And if you're still in love with me, then come back to me." Joonmyun's voice falters just the slightest but he doesn't cry.

"I love you," Jongdae whispers, pulling back from Joonmyun's embrace just enough so he can look at him.

"I love you, too," Joonmyun mouths just as his lips brushes against Jongdae's before capturing them for a kiss.

And for the last time, Jongdae tangles his fingers into Joonmyun's hair, presses his lips back against Joonmyun's, tastes his mouth and his tongue, and wishes tomorrow would never come.

▶▶ ▶▶ ▶▶ ▶▶ ▶▶ ▶▶ ▶▶

I can't make it today.

Jongdae runs a hand down his face as he calls the number that has just sent him a message.

"Jongdae," Joonmyun pants from the other line. "I'm sorry but could you call me some time else?" From the other line, Jongdae can hear muffled calls of Suho-hyung and he sighs.

"Yeah, sorry. Was just checking if you were fine."

"I'm fine. Just really busy. The concert's in a week so we're getting lots of rehearsals and preparations done." There's another Suho-hyung, this time deeper and angrier and Jongdae accepts the fact that in no less than a second Joonmyun will say goodbye and end the call.

Jongdae heaves a deep sigh and pockets his phone. He sits there for a moment, contemplating what to do before getting up and going out the door. There isn't anything more to think about, he tells himself as he locks his door.

The guards and the janitors are the only people who greet Jongdae as he makes his way through the mostly empty hallways of the school. He leans back on his chair and stares at the wall clock placed above the door of the faculty room. As the the hands go in circles, he goes over his mental checklist, crossing off things he's already prepared.

"Oh fuck," he curses to himself as one word stands out in his head.

QUIZZES

Jongdae reaches for his pens and some papers, pulling out the textbook from his bag and begins scrawling down word problems and math equations, all the while cursing to himself at being so irresponsible.

This is how Minseok finds him, still scribbling furiously on an intermediate pad, erasing and writing numbers on the lined papers. He stopped cursing himself somewhere along the way when more teachers began piling in the room.

"What's that?" Jongdae hears Minseok ask.

"Algebra quizzes for all my classes," Jongdae answers with a groan as he tears the paper off the pad and labels it, adding it to a thin pile on the side of his desk.

"Don't you usually have those done the night before?"

Jongdae stops his furious writing and sighs, massaging the creases he knows that are on his forehead. "I forgot to do them last night because I was waiting for... something," he whispers the last word.

"His text message?" Minseok confirms.

"Yeah," Jongdae admits, fingers going back to doing their job, albeit a lot slower. "I also woke up too early waiting for it so I didn't remember until I got to school." He tries to add a laugh into his statement but it ends up sounding a lot like a desperate attempt at a joke that no one laughs at.

"Did he blow you off again?" Minseok whispers, leaning in so Jongdae can hear.

"I guess? Yeah." Jongdae shrugs as his hand picks up speed, steadily writing the equations faster and their solutions. "I don't really mind so much anymore. I know he's busy and all."

"You're okay?"

Jongdae takes a deep breath and gives Minseok a smile. He wonders if it looks as fake as it feels. "Yeah, of course." He turns away as quickly as possible and continues writing down his quiz. It's the last one and if he finishes soon, he'll still have time to go over them and review them.

"Done," Jongdae says as he drops his pen, having finished triple checking his quizzes.

"Congrats," Minseok says.

"Thanks," Jongdae whispers as he piles the paper into a folder. "Hey," he calls out to Minseok. "Do you think you have time to eat dinner with me tonight?"

"Yeah sure. Wanna invite Heeyeon?"

"Nah, I just. I wanted to talk to you about something." Jongdae does his best to present Minseok a confident smile. He feels like he pulls it off when Minseok just nods in agreement.

"Okay," Minseok says. "But you're paying," he adds with a smirk.

"Fine, fine," Jongdae mutters, smiling a little as he goes back to preparing his things for his first class.

Jongdae finds himself in a cozy restaurant near the school, which also happens to be filled with seniors from the school they teach at. Some of them wave and greet them but most of the students steer clear of their table and bend down to hide themselves from their teacher's peering eyes.

"Why bring us here, hyung?" Jongdae whines as another student with her date avoids meeting their eyes.

Minseok shrugs but there's that glint in his eye that's purely evil. "So I can see my students squirm." He laughs before waving his statement away. "All kidding aside. You haven't eaten here before and they have good food, plus it took us less than five minutes to get here. It's pretty convenient."

Jongdae sighs as he picks up the menu while Minseok calls over a waiter. When the waiter leaves with their orders, Minseok pierces Jongdae with his most serious look.

"So what did you want to talk about?"

Jongdae looks around before leaning in and taking a deep breath. "You know how Joonmyun's been missing more and more of our date nights, right? Well, he's also been really bad at communicating with me recently. Every time I call he tells me he's busy with concert preparations and then says goodbye. When I text him, he doesn't even reply sometimes."

Minseok hums. "Well this wouldn't be the first time he was busy, what else is the problem?"

Jongdae avoids Minseok's inquisitive eyes and focuses on his clasped hands. "I well, I think he's hiding something from me."

"You don't trust him?"

"What? God no, I—I—I trust him, I just. This whole situation is—it's off, you know?" Jongdae stutters.

"Well, I wouldn't say I know but you could elaborate your theory so I can understand better."

Jongdae scoffs. "Don't start being smart with me now," he chides.

"Come on, just tell me what's so off about this situation?"

"This isn't the first time Joonmyun's blown off our meetings. But this is the first time he's been unable to see me and talk to me." He looks around again and softens his voice another notch. "My relationship with Joonmyun is almost like a long distance relationship. If you can't see each other, you make do with texts, emails, calls, chats. And we used to do that a lot when he was abroad for concerts or too busy and too tired to go back home to me. But this time around he doesn't even call. The only texts I get nowadays are to tell me he can't make it and—"

"And what?" Minseok urges.

"IwaswonderingifIshouldbreakupwithhim," Jongdae whispers, too fast.

"What?"

Jongdae glares at Minseok but when he looks up at his friend, he can see that he's not teasing this time around. He takes a deep breath and meets Minseok's eyes.

"I was wondering if maybe it was time to call it quits with Joo—him."

"Oh," falls from Minseok's lips, so soft, like he'd been expecting anything but that. There's a quiet and heavy ambience that envelops them before Minseok speaks again, his words contemplative. "And how long have you been thinking about this?"

Jongdae shrugs as he avoids meeting Minseok's eyes, focusing on the doors of the restaurant instead. "I don't know, a while?"

He scoffs. "Maybe that afternoon I woke up hungover and saw that the only reply I got to my drunk messages was a text saying 'I miss you too Jongdae. Just always remember that I love you.' or this morning when I got his message telling me he couldn't come and when I called him, the first thing he told me was to call him back some other time."

"Why?" Minseok asks the key question that hits Jongdae harder than when he'd ask the same thing himself. "Why do you wanna break up with him?"

"I—I." He opens and closes his mouth. "I just don't think it's worth it anymore," he finally admits and as soon as the words leave his mouth, he can feel a crack in his heart form. "We've been together for almost ten years, can you believe that? Ten years and we're turning into nothing."

Minseok’s eyes widen. "Is that what you think?" Minseok asks. "That your relationship is turning into nothing?"

"What else can it turn to?" Jongdae almost cries. "Most couples our age are getting married. The news is practically swarming with gays and lesbians tying the knot but I'm still hiding my relationship from the world. And I know—I know that it's a sacrifice I was willing to make when I started this relationship because he's an idol and I have to share him with fangirls and fanboys alike. But I just don't think I can do that anymore," he whispers the last sentence.

"I can tell that right now he's on top of the world, with the band's tenth anniversary, a concert, an album, and a few more projects on the side. With that kind of opportunity, I honestly don't think he can afford to keep me at his side anymore." Jongdae gives Minseok a wry smile, unable to help it himself. "I can tell because it's happening right now."

For a few seconds, no one talks and Jongdae takes this time to wipe some of the tears that fell, avoiding Minseok's withering gaze.

"Do you still love Joonmyun?" Minseok asks Jongdae, softening his gaze on the younger.

Jongdae's eyes widen. He looks at Minseok and finds only a sympathetic smile on his face. He honestly never even thought about that.

"I—I don't know how to be with anyone else," Jongdae admits, wincing as it comes out more of an excuse.

"That doesn't answer my question," Minseok points out.

"Minseok-hyung," Jongdae whines.

"Come on, yes or no."

"We've been together since high school, it's almost like we're married," Jongdae tries again.

"Do you mean like married couples who love each other? Jongdae-ah, just answer the question." Minseok clicks his tongue.

"Okay, okay. I don't know," Jongdae finally says. "I don't know," he drawls out.

"Technically that's also not answer but let me give you a scenario." Minseok clears his throat. "If you didn't think about Joonmyun as Suho, as the leader of EXO, Korea's biggest boyband. If you didn't think about the fact that sometimes his work causes him to miss a few of his scheduled meet ups with you. If you just focused on Joonmyun, the Joonmyun you met in high school and the Joonmyun you know now. Do you still love him?"

Jongdae's mouth hangs open for a few seconds before he closes it and swallows the lump in his throat. He closes his eyes and thinks about the Joonmyun he met in high school, the trainee slash student council president everyone admired, the same teenager who kissed him because he was in love with Jongdae. He thinks about the Joonmyun who made his dreams come true, standing in the middle of the stage with five other boys. He thinks about the Joonmyun who kissed him almost a month ago, made love to him, and held him tight.

Jongdae feels like he could cry at the memories of Joonmyun flashing by behind his eyes. When he opens them again, his vision blurs and the burn at the back of his nose is much much worse. He wipes away the tears with the back of his hand before sniffling to clear his nose.

"What if I said no?" he asks, keeping his eyes on the food on their table.

Minseok huffs. "Then break up! You're thirty, not eighty. So what if you've been with someone for ten years? If you're meant to find love again, you'll find love again."

Jongdae lets Minseok's reply sink in as he moves his gaze slowly up, finding courage to look Minseok in the eyes. When their eyes lock, Minseok smirks at him.

"But that also still doesn't answer my question."

Jongdae barely holds himself back from dousing Minseok with his beer.

On the way home from dinner with Minseok, Jongdae's head loops the question he'd been unable to answer.

Do you still love him?

Jongdae looks out the floor to ceiling windows of his condominium, the lights of Seoul resembling stars in the night. He sees Joonmyun in all these lights, like the star that he is.

I already know the answer, Jongdae thinks to himself.

◀◀ ◀◀ ◀◀ ◀◀ ◀◀ ◀◀ ◀◀

Jongdae balances the phone between his ear and shoulder as he tries to find the key that will open the door in front of him.

"Yes, Mrs. Kim, I'm here already," Jongdae says into the receiver as he keys himself into the apartment.

"That's good to hear," Joonmyun's mother's voice comes through the line.

"I really can't thank you enough for helping me get an apartment," Jongdae says as he drops his bags by the doorway, looking around the empty hall.

"Just call me mother and we're even," she jokes and Jongdae feels a blush come onto his cheeks.

"Mrs. Kim," Jongdae sort of whines.

"Oh alright alright. Don't think about it anymore, yes? Just take good care of yourself and study hard. That's enough for me and Joonmyun's father."

"Will do, Mrs. Kim," Jongdae waits for Mrs. Kim to say goodbye before ending the call, leaning back on the wall and sighing.

Guilt cripples him as he thinks about Joonmyun's parents, knowing all the help they've given to him and his plans of paying them back one day and then cutting ties with them. He tries not to think about that time, seemingly still far away as he resolves to minimize contact with the couple as much as possible.

He huffs out as he grabs his bags and inspects the apartment Mr. and Mrs. Kim got him for a successful release from the army. The entry way leads to an open space with a counter and small kitchen.

"Wow," Jongdae mutters as he looks around what's going to be his home for the next few years.

"Pretty nice isn't it?"

Jongdae whirls around and drops his bags on the floor, his jaw following soon after.

Joonmyun stands in front of him, a smile on his face and his arms crossed. His hair is shorter than when he'd last seen him in person, and lighter in color too. He swallows as Joonmyun walks closer, his dark skinny jeans and rolled up sleeves, giving him the stride of a prince.

"You're a lot taller," Joonmyun whispers when they've got less than a few centimeters between them.

Jongdae's eyes widen when he realizes that he can look into Joonmyun's eyes without looking up, that they stand eye to eye with each other. He takes a sharp breath.

"Welcome back," Joonmyun whispers, fingers finding their way in Jongdae's hair and on his sides.

Jongdae tries to say something, to tell Joonmyun that he missed him, more than missed him. Nothing in the world could ever describe the longing that he felt as he closed his eyes after a day's worth of grueling exercise. The image of Joonmyun smiling, the memory of his laugh haunting him in his dreams. Nothing.

"Say something," Joonmyun mouths, lips brushing against Jongdae's.

Jongdae looks into Joonmyun's eyes. "I love you," he says before pressing back against Joonmyun's lips.

Jongdae groans as Joonmyun pulls him in, almost molding their bodies together as they open their mouths to the kiss. Jongdae loses himself in the feeling of Joonmyun's lips, his hot breath on his cheeks and his fingers lighting a fire on his arms and head. He doesn't even register the feeling of his back colliding with the wall as Joonmyun thrusts his tongue in Jongdae's mouth, exploring the heat and taste of Jongdae.

Just as Jongdae starts thinking this kiss will last forever, Joonmyun disappoints him by disentangling his lips from Jongdae's. Jongdae whimpers as he follows after Joonmyun's lips unconsciously. Joonmyun pants as he leans his forehead against Jongdae's, pecking Jongdae's cheeks and his jaw whenever he can.

"What are you doing here?" Jongdae finally asks as Joonmyun wraps his arms around Jongdae's waist.

Joonmyun doesn't seem to tire of kissing every bit of skin on Jongdae, from the junction where his neck and shoulder meet to the sensitive skin just below his ear.

"I promised you," Joonmyun mutters in between kisses. "I told you I'd wait for you," he finishes, mouthing by Jongdae's neck before kissing him on the forehead.

"It's been two years," he says when he lifts his lips. "But I," he presses another kiss on the tip of Jongdae's nose. "Still love you," he breathes before brushing his lips against Jongdae's, just the slightest bit of touch, enough to feel the heat on their lips, the sting of their peck before smiling at Jongdae.

"Do you still love me, too?" Joonmyun mutters, more of a tease than anything.

Jongdae chuckles before laughing out loud, his voice echoing in the spacious apartment. "That's the first thing I said, idiot," he mumbles, wrapping his arms around Joonmyun's neck. "But I'll say it again," he mutters, lips brushing by Joonmyun's ears.

"I love you. I will always love you. Ten, fifty, one hundred years from now. It's only going to be you."

Joonmyun tries to lift Jongdae up from the ground but fails, only managing to drag Jongdae around before they fall to the ground laughing. They laugh and cry and roll over on the floor until Jongdae finds himself half on top of Joonmyun.

"This time," Joonmyun murmurs, sliding the hair out of Jongdae's eyes. "It's you and me, forever."

"Forever," Jongdae replies before tasting Joonmyun's lips once more.

▶▶ ▶▶ ▶▶ ▶▶ ▶▶ ▶▶ ▶▶

Jongdae stares at the swirls of white in his coffee, hearing but not listening to the soft indie music playing in the background of the cafe. He hears a cough in front of him and Jongdae peers at the person before him. Minseok has his arms crossed in front of him, his gaze unwavering as they look on at Jongdae's slumped form.

"Well?"

Jongdae groans into his hands and feels his face flush as he utters, "I still love him."

"What was that?" Minseok clarifies but Jongdae knows it's to tease him more than anything else.

Jongdae groans as he runs his hands down his face. "I said," he grits, punctuating each word. "That I still love him..."

The knowing smirk on Minseok's face is unmistakable. Jongdae glares at it, wanting nothing more than to throw his latte at his best friend just to get that smirk out of that face.

"I knew it," Minseok states, taking a sip of his coffee.

Jongdae tries his best not to pout.

"If you knew then why did you ask me? Why did you have to make me think about it for three days?" Jongdae whines, holding onto his mug.

Minseok chuckles. "Because you didn't know."

Jongdae huffs and slumps back into his seat. He takes a small sip of his latte and takes a deep breath.

"What do you plan on doing now?" Minseok asks before some semblance of peace and calm can fully overcome Jongdae.

"What do you mean?"

Minseok sighs as he massages his temples. He looks Jongdae straight in the eyes. "You didn't seriously think that was all there is to it, right?" Jongdae thinks there must be a confused look on his face because Minseok groans. "So you didn't think about what you wanted to do?"

"Of course not," Jongdae emphasizes. "It's not like there’s anything I can do," he adds in a soft whisper.

"That's because you're thinking about what everyone wants."

"Well, what do you want me to do? Not think about it?"

"I told you to think about what you wanted to do!" Minseok tries to whisper but his voice is still loud enough that a few people turn their heads at their table.

Jongdae waits until the curious onlookers turn away before he whispers, "I can't just do that, not to Joonmyun. I would never be able to live with myself. I could never just think about what I wanted. This is Joonmyun's dream we're talking about. His whole life."

Minseok sets aside their drinks and leans closer to Jongdae. "Haven't you done that enough?"

I haven't, Jongdae almost says but he catches himself in time, closing his mouth as the bitter taste of the words linger in his mouth.

"Jongdae, for ten years you've been selflessly accommodating your relationship around Joonmyun. Isn't it about time to be selfish? Even just a little?"

"But—"

"No buts, Jongdae. This time, just think about what you want. Don't think about anything else. What is that you want to do?"

Jongdae bites his lip and his eyes fall close before he can stop them. There's a burst of white behind his eyelids, a small splash of color, Joonmyun's pink lips, his dark eyes and his pale hand outstretched, a silver band on his finger shining against the white.

"I want to marry Joonmyun," Jongdae whispers just as his eyes open.

"Well," Minseok begins. "That's great and all but how exactly do you plan on doing that?"

Jongdae hums for a few seconds before his eyes twinkle. "There was that time I tried to propose to him. I could probably just tweak it a little? Make it more romantic."

Minseok chuckles. "Maybe you should start thinking about it now."

"Ah fuck," Jongdae groans as he remembers the most important detail. "How am I supposed to ask him when I haven't seen him in weeks? Is it even possible to ask someone to marry you without actually seeing the other person?"

"If you're asking me then I'm sure you can send him an email, a voice message, a video call? and probably a text message. Take your pick," Minseok utters, trying his best not to laugh.

Jongdae glares at him. "Very funny hyung but I want to propose to him face to face. At least that way it'll be romantic and sincere."

"Hey, I'll have you know video calls and voice messages are very sincere. Don't diss couples who live through those moments."

"Not helping, hyung." Jongdae rolls his eyes.

"Fine fine," Minseok dismisses. "Why don't you think about when you can do it," he suggests.

Jongdae sighs as he maps out Joonmyun's schedule in his head. He knows enough from the times he's checked the news sites and the official website. "Okay," he begins, pulling his phone out of his pocket and opening the calendar app. "Joonmyun has a three day concert starting Friday of next week. I'm pretty sure there isn't going to be a tour after that because soon after, I think I remember him telling me some of his band mates were going to enlist. He'll probably have time to see me on Wednesday two weeks from now," he mutters mostly to himself as he marks the date on his calendar.

"So you'll have a week and half to plan and prepare everything out," Minseok concludes.

"Yeah," Jongdae says, a little breathless at the thought of finally being able to propose.

"Now you just need a polished plan that can be done and finished within that one week and half."

Jongdae hums in agreement as he plays with his phone, opening apps and closing them until he opens his Photo Gallery. He opens the album that contains all his photos and notices that he has no pictures of Joonmyun.

"I got it," Jongdae whispers. He looks at Minseok and repeats in a louder and surer voice. "I've got it. I know what I'm going to do." Jongdae gulps down his repulsively cold latte and gestures Minseok to follow him. He can hear Minseok groan from behind him but he doesn't care. He needs to carry out his plan as soon as possible.

"Where are we going?" Minseok asks when they're out on the streets.

"Home," Jongdae says as he they work their way around the crowd. "I've got everything I need there."

"Wow, that was pretty quick," Minseok comments but nonetheless follows after Jongdae. "And you need me to come with you because?"

"Who better to help me with my plan than my best friend and future best man?" Jongdae turns to Minseok, his eyes twinkling.

"Damn," Minseok says with a smile. "Now there's no way I can say no."

"Thanks, hyung," Jongdae whispers when they're standing side by side, waiting to cross the street.

"Yeah, yeah." Minseok ruffles Jongdae's hair. "Just make sure that you get your happy ending."

"So what exactly are you planning to do?" Minseok asks when they step off the elevator on Jongdae's floor.

"I noticed how I don't have pictures with Joonmyun on my phone," Jongdae begins, keying them into his condominium. "So I was thinking I would do something about that. I'll explain inside."

Jongdae's just about to step inside when he notices the white envelope on the floor. He smiles a little to himself as he picks it up before locking the door behind Minseok.

"What's that?"

Jongdae looks up to find Minseok peering down at the envelope from behind him.

"It's the tickets for this Friday's concert," Jongdae replies as he pulls out numerous strips of papers. "Here, for you and Heeyeonnie."

"Oh, thanks." Minseok stares at the tickets a little wide-eyed. "So this is how you always get the free tickets for the concerts?"

"Yup," Jongdae says with a smile as he reads the small note attached.

For you, Minseok hyung and Heeyeon-ssi.
See you on Friday.
You have to be there!
I love you

"I thought you said the concert was three days," Minseok starts.

"It is."

"Then why do we only have one ticket? Don't you usually get tickets for all days?"

Jongdae's eyes widen at the query and he pulls open the envelope wider to see if he missed something. He shakes the envelope but nothing comes out.

"Maybe they ran out of tickets," Jongdae muses. It wasn't uncommon for EXO's concerts to be sold out. He tries not to let the lack of tickets bother him too much as he puts his ticket back in the envelope. "Besides, seeing the concert once should be enough," he reasons, mostly to himself.

"Whatever you say," Minseok drawls.

"Okay, let's go back to my proposal," Jongdae starts as he walks to his bedroom. He digs through his drawer and finds a rectangular box. He pulls it out and takes it to the living room where Minseok's seated.

"I was thinking I was going to put this all over the walls." Jongdae opens the box to reveal over a hundred or so polaroid photos of him and Joonmyun. The photo on top is the most recent one, taken when Joonmyun just got out of the military. He's wearing his military uniform and pressing a kiss to Jongdae's temple.

"You guys had photos together?" Minseok says in wonder.

"Yeah," Jongdae whispers. "It was always safer to take them with polaroids than on phones because that way the photos are printed and there's no copy."

Jongdae lays out the photos which appear to be a lot more than he thought as he finds old ones from back when they were in high school.

"Ok, so after you paste these to your walls what then?"

"I'm going to say something really cheesy about making more memories and not hiding our relationship anymore from anyone and then I'll ask him to marry me," Jongdae says, his cheeks flushing.

Minseok hums as he spreads out the photos a little more. "Sounds like a good idea." He flicks Jongdae on the forehead. "Sounds like an idea that doesn't need my help."

"But hyung," Jongdae whines, holding onto Minseok's arm. "I need your help decorating the place, deciding which picture would look good where and other stuff."

"You have a week and a half! Call me up next Tuesday!" Minseok groans.

"Come on hyung, you're the one who encouraged me to propose, the least you can do as my future best man is help me propose." Jongdae works his best puppy dog eyes and pout but he knows it's the best man that really gets Minseok to give in.

"Fine," Minseok huffs. "Come on, let’s lay out these pictures properly so we can decide which pictures go where."

"Do you think I should put them in random order?" Jongdae asks as he spreads out the photos so the memories they hold in them becomes clearer.

"Nah, you should have them from past to present so that when Joonmyun walks inside the apartment, he gets a small trip down memory lane and then when he sees you, it's going to be like bam!" Minseok claps his fingers for effect and Jongdae nods in understanding.

"See, hyung, this is why I need my best man," Jongdae says with a teasing smile.

Minseok rolls his eyes but helps Jongdae flesh out his ideas anyway.

I can't make it today. Sorry! The concert's this Friday so it's hard to get away from late night practices.

Jongdae smiles at the text message, happy that Joonmyun still cares enough to message him.

It's okay. Just don't work yourself too hard. I got the tickets so I'll see you on Friday, he replies. He doesn't really expect another reply but it doesn't take longer than few seconds before his phone buzzes again.

That's great. You definitely have to come this Friday! I'll see you soon. I promise that after this I'll be able to make it up to you.

Jongdae's heart quickens as he thinks about his proposal and Joonmyun who's so willing to make it up to him.

"Just say yes and that's enough," Jongdae whispers to his phone.

Jongdae goes to work brighter than ever, his smile stretching his lips across his face and never wanting to leave. He seems to freak out some of the colleagues he greets with the same bright smile as they enter the faculty room.

"What's with that creepy smile?" Heechul says.

Jongdae doesn't falter and only smiles a little wider at Heechul. "Good morning to you too, Heechul-ssi."

Heechul rolls his eyes. "I thought you broke up with your "boyfriend"? Why are you so damn happy?"

"I didn't break up with anyone," Jongdae reasons, his smile never leaving as he goes back to checking his lesson plan.

"Whatever. Your happy vibe is ruining mine," Heechul dismisses. "I just got tickets to EXO's concert and I'm too fucking happy to be teasing you right now."

"Oh! I've got tickets too," Jongdae states.

"So do I and my girlfriend," Minseok says after.

"We're going to the concert, too!" Sunyoung and Soojung echo.

Heechul groans. "Who else is going?"

Almost all the teachers raise their hands and Heechul groans. "Whatever. I'm going to their concert and I'm going to see Baekhyun sing like an angel and none of you can ruin that for me." Just then, everyone notices how Heechul's eyes glint and he smirks down at Jongdae. Jongdae doesn't wither from Heechul's glare. "So, you're going to see your boyfriend, Suho, huh?"

Jongdae smirks back at Heechul. "Yeah, I am."

Heechul's jaw drops and the rest of the teachers go into a whispering frenzy as rumors start circulating around the room. Minseok just laughs and slaps Jongdae on the back. Jongdae turns his back on Heechul and keeps his mouth shut until the day ends, making sure to avoid answering any of the questions thrown by his colleagues in his face.

"So if we're all going to the concert on Friday, why don't we all just go together after school?" Kyuhyun suggests just as the day ends.

"Sounds like a great idea," Taeyeon pipes in.

"I'll have to call my girlfriend and ask. Is it okay if we wait for her though?" Minseok asks.

"Yeah, I'm sure we'll have enough time," Soojung says.

"Oh, I'm so excited! It's been so long since we had a teachers' gathering," Sunyoung comments, clapping her hands.

"Minseok-ssi," Kyuhyun calls out. "Tell your girlfriend to meet us here at six p.m."

"Got it."

"Okay, everyone who wants to go together raise your hands. We'll probably need to take two cars," Kyuhyun orders and once he's done counting heads he says. "We'll take my car and Jungsoo-ssi's car so just pick whoever you guys want to ride with."

"I'm riding with Kyuhyun," Heechul states.

"Then I'm riding with Jungsoo-ssi," Jongdae whispers to the Physics teacher.

A few people snicker at the obvious divide but continue settling their arrangements. When they finish, Jongdae smiles and thanks Jungsoo before bidding everyone goodbye.

When he thinks about being able to see Joonmyun again, his heart throbs, taking almost all his breath away. It may not be up close but it is in person and that's already enough, enough to assure him of a future beyond this.

I can't wait, Jongdae thinks.

Jongdae takes a deep breath as he gets engulfed in the crowd letting them lead him to his seat, Minseok and Heeyeon following close. On their way to the concert, the other teachers found out that Jongdae and Minseok's tickets were the best tickets on sale and therefore wouldn't be seated with them. They had parted ways as soon as they got out of the car.

"You okay?" Minseok asks, disturbing Jongdae's thoughts.

"Yeah," he whispers as they find their seats, with a good view of the stage and a quick exit by the aisle. "Just a little nervous for some reason." He tries to laugh it off but fails miserably as his heart beat starts echoing in his ears.

"I'm sure everything will be fine," Minseok says from beside him.

"Besides," Heeyeon cuts in, leaning all the way down on Minseok so Jongdae will hear. "You've got everything to look forward to after this concert."

"You guys are right." Jongdae takes a deep breath so his heart will calm down.

"By the way hyung," Jongdae starts leaning in so his voice only reaches Minseok. "Don't forget to help me pick out a ring tomorrow."

"Sure, but Heeyeon's coming along," Minseok says. "She says she has better taste than I do."

"Sounds good."

Jongdae jumps a little when the lights go dark. He watches as over a hundred thousand lightsticks go on, the series of fan chants echoing in the dome. Jongdae's heart doesn't calm down, not anymore after that. The music blasts and the lights flash and Jongdae's heart thumps with every beat, his eyes waiting for the moment six people appear on stage.

Six figures slowly ascend from the ground and some techno music plays along in the background before a spotlight shines on them. Jongdae's heart skips a beat as Joonmyun appears on stage, his hair cropped short and in absurd color that looks so good on him. He can feel tears slide down his cheeks as Joonmyun smiles at the crowd and for a moment he thinks Joonmyun smiles straight at him.

Jongdae watches as the concert goes on, feeling his heart rip slowly and surely at the sight of Joonmyun looking so happy on the place where he belongs the most. He doesn't think he can ever take Joonmyun away from this, away from his dreams.

"I can't do it," Jongdae whispers to himself during the intermission.

"What?" Minseok whispers.

"Have you seen how happy he looks?" Jongdae says in a harsh whisper to Minseok. "I can't ask him to marry me not when I know the consequences."

"Hey hey." Minseok grabs Jongdae by the shoulders and tries to calm him down. "Don't freak out right now, this isn't the place to be doing this."

"Then where am I supposed to do it? This is the future we're talking about!"

Minseok tightens his hold on Jongdae's arm. "Focus, Jongdae. We're at a concert dome with over a hundred thousand fans. This isn't the place to be backing down."

Jongdae takes a deep breath as he lets Minseok's words sink in.

"This is Joonmyun's day, you know," Minseok continues when Jongdae's eyes focus on his own. "You should be happy for him and just focus on him. Don't think about the future or next next Wednesday. Just hear his songs, listen to him talk, and focus on that, okay?"

Jongdae sniffles as he wipes his tears. "And then what?"

"And then," Heeyeon stresses. "You can worry about everything after the concert."

"You guys suck," Jongdae chides but there's a small smile on his face when he turns back to the stage. The lights go back on and the first solo stage begins.

Jongdae holds his breath as more of the songs get performed but Joonmyun's solo stage has yet to happen. He's almost sure the concert's going to end without a Joonmyun stage when suddenly the lights go off. There's a murmur going around the crowd as something not in the program seems to happen. Jongdae whips his head back and forth, his heart thumping but no one seems to know what's going on.

When the lights go on, almost all the girls gasp, the sound almost echoing. Jongdae's jaw drops as he focuses on Joonmyun, standing in the middle of the stage with a mic in front of him and dressed in a formal suit that looks out of place with the rest of the concert's costumes.

"Ah, good evening everyone," Joonmyun starts with an embarrassed laugh. He smiles at the crowd in front of him and continues. "I'm sure all of you are surprised but this isn't part of the original line up this concert was supposed to have. Still, I would like to thank my brothers," Joonmyun gestures behind him and a spotlight shines on the members of EXO on different instruments behind him. "And the rest of the staff for helping me make this happen." Joonmyun lets the crowd's screams go softer before clearing his throat and continuing.

"Before I get further away from the topic, I'd like to take this opportunity to say that the song I'm going to sing now is something I wrote with the help of my brothers." A lot more screaming happens but Joonmyun does his best to talk over it. "This song is really special because I wrote this for a person who—actually there are no words to describe just how much he's sacrificed for me. This person is special not only because of this but also because without fail, this person stood by me and supported me as I made my dreams come true."

Jongdae feels his tears slide down his cheeks as he watches Joonmyun gesture before the music begins. It's a soft beat, starting with mellow piano keys supported by gentle guitar strumming. The drum follows after, with soft thumps that accentuates the melody. Jongdae's breath gets caught in his throat when Joonmyun sings.

A long time ago
I took your first kiss away
And you looked at me
Because you thought it was a joke
But I told you
I did it because I wanted to.
I'm telling you now, I did it because I love you

Jongdae gasps as he tries not cry out, wiping away his tears furiously as he goes back to that moment, that kiss that started it all.

Now I'm standing in front of everyone
Telling them our story
Of our journey through the years
Of our love that has lasted for more than ten years
Because I'm ready to ask you
Will you marry me?

The crowd goes wild but Jongdae's ears start to ring, tuning the rest of the crowd out as Joonmyun's words keep echoing in his head.

You're standing there

Jongdae's eyes widen when he finds a spotlight on him, eyes going all around. He doesn't even notice that he's on his feet.

Like you have done from the start
Never leaving my side
Now, Jongdae, come up here
And listen to my song
Because this is for you
I'm doing this because I love you

Jongdae looks at all the eyes on him and at Minseok and Heeyeon who mouth the words 'Go'. His gaze falls back on Joonmyun who's smiling at him, he knows it's for him this time.

"Come up here, Jongdae," Joonmyun screams to the mic as his band mates take the lead in singing the song.

Jongdae takes the first step away from his chair and bit by bit, his feet take him to the front of the stage where the guards help him up. He holds his breath as Joonmyun takes his hand, helping him get on the stage.

"Jongdae," Joonmyun begins, pulling a velvet box out of his pants pocket.

"Fuck, Joonmyun," Jongdae whispers but he isn't sure Joonmyun hears because he starts bending down on one knee. When Joonmyun meets his eyes, Jongdae forgets how to breathe. He hasn't seen Joonmyun smile at him this close in a while. His tears start falling and he can't breathe properly but Jongdae waits for the question he knows that's going to come.

"Will you marry me?"

"Yes," Jongdae breathes out. He doesn't even have to think about it.

Joonmyun seems to sigh in relief as he slips a white gold eternity ring on Jongdae's finger. He kisses Jongdae's fingers before lacing them together and standing up.

"From here on out," Joonmyun says as he pulls Jongdae closer. "It's you and me."

Jongdae cries as Joonmyun leans in for a short press of lips against lips, wrapping his arms around Joonmyun with no intention of letting go. Joonmyun chuckles when he pulls away, cradling Jongdae to his side who can't seem to stop crying, burying his face at the side of Joonmyun's neck.

"He said yes!"

And the crowd goes wild, whether from anger or cheer, Joonmyun and Jongdae will never know because Joonmyun takes that moment to properly slot his lips against Jongdae's. The crowd could be screaming, EXO could be singing and playing music but Joonmyun and Jongdae never hear because in this moment it is just the two of them.

epilogue

"EXO's Suho is reportedly tying the knot today with his lover of ten years," a female voice on the TV says.

Jongdae loosens the tie on his neck before studying the way he looks in front of the mirror.

"The private event is said to be attended by multiple stars as well as friends and family from both sides."

"Minseok-hyung," Jongdae calls out as he turns away from the mirror. "Turn off the TV," he says with a laugh, seeing the venue of his wedding flash on the bright screen before going black.

"So, are you ready?" Heeyeon asks as she brushes away powder on Jongdae's face.

"Yeah," Jongdae breathes out as Minseok walks to them.

"Hey," he says as he puts an arm around Heeyeon. "I never got to say thanks for keeping me as your best man. So thanks." There's a sheepish smile on his face that makes Jongdae chuckle.

"It's not like I had a choice," Jongdae pretends to complain as he takes a seat, careful not to wrinkle his tuxedo. At Minseok's pout, both Heeyeon and Jongdae laugh. "Come on, hyung. I forgave you a long time ago. I know you had to keep things secret from me because Joonmyun asked and I've long since respected that."

"Men," Heeyeon comments. "You guys can be much cheesier than women you know?"

Both Minseok and Jongdae laugh.

"Now let's just make this clear," Heeyeon butts in. "You're still Minseok's best man for our wedding, right?" Her ring finger glimmers with the small diamond sitting atop a gold band.

"Of course!" Jongdae assures and Minseok thanks him with an embrace.

"Congratulations," Minseok whispers. "I'm really happy for you. You're finally getting what you want."

"I'm happy for you, too, hyung," he tells Minseok.

A knock interrupts their moment, forcing them to part.

"I'll get it," Minseok says as he pulls away. Familiar faces pop up from the door and Jongdae allows Minseok to let them in.

"Congratulations, Jongdae!" his colleagues say before they greet him individually. Jongdae accepts their well wishes and instructs them where to place their presents. He's just in the middle of telling them about the photo taking when Heechul pops in to join in the conversation.

"Hey," Heechul coughs out. "Congratulations."

"Thank you, Heechul-ssi," Jongdae says with a smile. It's been a few months since the concert but the air between Heechul and Jongdae is still palpable.

"I—" Heechul clears his throat and looks Jongdae dead in the eyes. "I'm sorry about the way I treated you before. I know my taunts were a lot more insulting and couldn't be considered teasing."

"It's okay," Jongdae says sincerely. "I somehow understood that you just did it because you couldn't believe it and they were one of your favorite bands."

"I really want to wish you all the best without anything bad between us," Heechul says, shaking Jongdae's hand.

"Don't worry," Jongdae assures as he returns the friendly grip on his hand. "I have no grudges to hold against you."

"I wish you and Suho-ssi all the happiness," Heechul mutters before he ushers the rest of their group out of the room. Jongdae breathes out in relief at the thought of peaceful Wednesdays to come.

Jongdae had just sat back down when there's another knock on the door but this time it opens before anyone can reach for it.

Jongdae stands upright at the sight of Joonmyun’s parents. They look almost as if time had never touched them. He feels a little flustered as he greets them without tripping over his words.

“Look at you,” Mrs. Kim says. “You look absolutely marvelous.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Kim.”

“Now Jongdae, we’ve talked about this before,” she chides, her tone light. “Call me mother.”

Jongdae blushes to the tips of his ears. “Thank you, mother.”

“You’ll get used to it soon.”

“Congratulations!” Mr. Kim claps him on the shoulder.

Jongdae’s heart swells at the genuine well wishes, accepting them as graciously as he can.

“We’re really happy that you can officially be part of the family now,” Mrs. Kim says as she pulls Jongdae in for a hug.

“I’m really sorry about pushing you guys away all those years ago,” he whispers in her hair.

“You’ve apologized enough,” Mr. Kim cuts in. “We understand why you did it and even though it hurt us, we’ve already forgiven you.”

Jongdae takes a deep breath, trying to reign in his tears.

“Thank you,” he whispers.

“No, thank you,” Mrs. Kim says, her voice breaking. “For always being there for our son. We’ve always known you two would end up together.”

Before Jongdae can ask, Mr. Kim replies. “There’s only so much privacy you can have in our garden.”

Jongdae’s eyes widen. He’s just about to apologize when the wedding planner pops in, smiling at Jongdae.

"It's time," she says.

Mr. and Mrs. Kim pull Jongdae in for one last embrace before wishing him good luck. Jongdae stands stunned for a few seconds before acknowledging the wedding planner.

“If you could just follow me.”

Jongdae's heart skips a beat as he tries to follow after the wedding planner. Minseok and Heeyeon have to push him out of the room to get his legs moving.

This is it, Jongdae thinks as he walks along the garden they'd reserved for the event. We've been through a lot but we made it.

Jongdae thinks about the headlines that popped up these past few months. EXO's Suho proposes to gay lover at 10th anniversary concert and SM Entertainment's officials confirm EXO's Suho will marry his long time boyfriend at the end of the year are just to name a few. Tomorrow, Jongdae can almost see it say EXO's Suho now married, fangirls still in mourning at the loss of the bachelor. He chuckles to himself at the thought. He's just happy that this wedding, this relationship hasn't made a negative impact on Joonmyun's career.

At least now we'll be able to live together, Jongdae thinks as he opens his eyes. He's at the end of the carpet and when he turns to his side, Joonmyun stands right beside him.

"You ready?" Joonmyun whispers as he brings his arms out.

"What about you? Are you ready?" Jongdae whispers back, unable to hide his laughter. He loops his arm around Joonmyun's and does his best to keep his eyes forward.

"Let me tell you this," Joonmyun starts as their song starts to play, signalling them to start their walk. "I was ready the day I first laid my eyes on you. Why do you think I never let you go?"

Jongdae snickers into his hand. "Could've fooled me."

Joonmyun takes a deep breath, trying his best not to look like he's having hard time keeping his composure calm. "I'm really sorry about all the sneaking around," he whispers. "I just needed that time so I could carry out my secret plans of proposing to you."

"Yeah yeah," Jongdae cuts him off. "I know. I’m just a little pissed that my proposal didn’t get to happen.”

Joonmyun hides a snicker behind his hand. “Tell you what. If you wanna renew our wedding vows in twenty-five years, you can propose to me.”

“I think before we talk about that, we should at least have wedding vows to renew,” Jongdae whispers. When they reach the end of their walk, Jongdae turns to face Joonmyun, holding both of his hands in his. "But now that you’re here, that won’t be so hard to do."

"And I'll always be here, with you, forever," Joonmyun whispers.

"Forever," Jongdae whispers back.

"We are gathered here today to witness the union of Kim Joonmyun and Kim Jongdae in holy matrimony."

end of epilogue

1. I finished this reeeeaaaalllyyyy close to the deadline so a lot of major plot errors couldn’t be fixed in time. I promise to do my best in fixing them all BEFORE reposting :D
2. The year is 2022 but all the character’s ages and DOB remains the same.
3. EXO is just EXO-K so yeah :D I didn’t have much time to put them in ><
4. Cut text from EXO’s Promise!

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